A non-religious man once walked into the yeshiva in Kfar Chassidim during davening. Afterwards, when asked what he had seen there he answered: “Everyone was busy praying, except an old man in the front row who was talking to someone, but surprisingly, there was no one close enough to hear him…” That man was the famed mashgiach, Rav Elya Lopian zt”l, who, of course, was also davening!
Last time, we discussed the importance of knowing that davening is not optional – it is a Torah obligation. However, if we view tefillah merely as something we have to do, we may begin to resent it. In fact, the Shulchan Aruch (O.C. Siman 98:3) rules that a person must not approach tefillah as a burden that he can’t wait to throw off.
So what can we do to ensure that davening is something we look forward to?
Hashem is Real!
One way is to realize that tefillah is a glorious opportunity to come close to Hashem. The following is an excerpt from a beautiful letter that Rav Shimshon Pincus zt”l wrote to a young man who was going through a hard time.
“…You have reached the point that it is time to seek outside help. Therefore, I will give you a name and address where you can receive help.
They call Him Hashem Yisborach. He is extremely Mighty; as the truth is that He created everything. I have inside information that He loves you specifically and is waiting with intense longing for you to turn to Him for help. Finding His address is not at all difficult – He is literally everywhere. Even now, as you read this letter, you can turn to Him.
I am writing this because many people think that doing so is just a fulfillment of the mitzvah of tefillah. They are right, but that is not the main point. The point is that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is real, and you can actually form a personal bond with Him. No one who did so was ever disappointed. The more simple and practical you make that bond, the better it is. The main thing is to make a simple personal connection – tell Him about your problems and ask Him for help over and over. Anyone who gives you other advice is wasting your time. Go straight to the One who can truly help you! Grab hold of Him and don’t let go!”
The first step in using tefillah to become closer to Hashem is knowing that He is real, that He is always with us, and wants us to come close to Him. Knowing this will make it much easier to find Him.
The next step is to realize that when we daven we are not chanting incantations – we are talking to Hashem, just as we saw in the story about Rav Elya Lopian. The Gemara (Brachos 26b) says: “Yitzchok established the tefillah of mincha, as it states (Breishis 24:63) ‘Vayeitzei Yitzchok lasuach basadeh – and Yitzchok went out to speak in the field.’ The word ‘sicha – speech’ refers to tefillah, as it says (Tehillim 102:1) ‘Tefillah le’ani ki ya’atof, v’lifnei Hashem yishpoch sicho – A prayer of the afflicted man when he faints, and in front of Hashem he pours forth his speech.’”
The third Belzer Rebbe, Rebbe Yissachar Dov Rokeach zt”l, explains that Yitzchok established the idea that we can turn to Hashem and speak to Him in a personal manner, and our tefillos will be accepted. Just talk to Hashem!
I Don’t See Him
But, this is not so easy, you say. How can we feel that we are actually having a conversation with Hashem when we do not see Him?
It is indeed a difficult task, but in our time it has gotten a bit easier. Sometimes we see someone walking down the street and, if we didn’t know better, we would think he is crazy. He is waving his hands and talking excitedly, to no one we can see – it looks like he is talking to himself! But we know that he most likely has a Bluetooth device clipped on his ear and is probably quite sane. Yes, now it is possible to stand on the street without holding any device and talk right into the ear of someone on the other side of the planet.
This should help us when we daven. Even though we do not see Hashem, He is right there in front of us and we are talking to Him. And that is why it is forbidden to walk in front of someone davening Shemoneh Esrei (see O.C. Siman 102 for the specifics). No matter what level of concentration a person has, Hashem is there in front of him, and we dare not walk there.
However, it goes even further. I heard from the Mashgiach of Toras Moshe, Rav Elchonon Meir Fishman, that the halacha is that when we daven Shemoneh Esrei we must speak in a barely audible whisper. (Loud enough that you can hear yourself, but not too loud to disturb your neighbor; Mishna B’rurah siman 102, se’if katan 5.) In other words, we should imagine that we are whispering right into His “ear.” That is how close He is to us!
So how can we train ourselves to daven in the manner of having a conversation? Here are a few suggestions:
Rav Avigdor Miller zt”l would say that one should start off small. The perfect place to begin is with the bracha of “Shomeyah Tefillah,” especially when we say the words “ki atah shomeyah – for You are listening.” During this bracha let us imagine that someone is listening to our words. And then, of course, at the end of the bracha we should thank Hashem with great feeling for listening to our tefillos as we say “Baruch atah Hashem, shomeyah tefillah!” After doing this for a while you will actually feel that you are having a conversation.
One of our difficulties is that we have trouble connecting to the words of tefillah because they are not in our mother tongue. It would be worthwhile to take one of the various commentaries on Shemoneh Esrei and study one bracha a day to make sure that we understand the basic translation of each word. And of course these brachos have so much depth, with numerous explanations as to why Chazal chose certain phrases. Knowing the basic structure of the bracha will certainly help us speak as if in conversation.
Say the words of Shemoneh Esrei with feeling and life, the way you would when asking someone for help. The Chofetz Chaim suggests thinking before each bracha of Shemoneh Esrei about what we are about to request. For example, before the bracha of “atah chonen” pause for a moment and think, “I am about to ask Hashem for more intellect and understanding.” Before “v’sein bracha” think, “I am now going to ask for my livelihood and sustenance.” This will help us say the words with more passion.
This is the first step in learning how to enjoy davening. It requires effort, but it is worthwhile!
