A friend of mine related that his brother was on a business trip to Istanbul and went to pray in a local shul. He was quite surprised when one of the congregants waved to him. “I don’t know this man,” he thought. “He must be a really friendly person!” But then he noticed the man was waving to everyone in shul. And he was not the only one – every single person in shul was doing the same thing! After davening, they told him that this custom was based on the words of the Arizal, cited by the Magen Avraham (O.C., beginning of siman 46). He writes: “Before the morning tefillah one should accept upon himself the mitzvah of v’ahavtah le’reiacha kamocha – you shall love your fellow as yourself.” In order to fulfill this mitzvah properly, the custom of this congregation is to wave to each and every fellow Jew in shul.
But what is the Arizal’s reason – why is it so important to fulfill this mitzvah specifically before we start praying?
Plural Power
One who examines Shemoneh Esrei will notice something interesting: we speak in the plural form. For example, we ask Hashem to give us rain, to heal us, to forgive us, etc. That is, I come before Hashem as a representative of our nation – not for myself. Once a person has asked for everyone, he may add personal supplications, as long as he fulfills certain conditions (see Shulchan Aruch, O.C. siman 119). One example being at the end of Shemoneh Esrei when we say “Elokai, netzor leshoni mei’ra – My G-d, guard my tongue from evil… etc.” In general, though we use the plural form. In fact, the Gra in Sh’nos Eliyahu (Brachos 5:1) says that not only must we verbally ask in the plural form, we are not even allowed to think only about ourselves when we pray! But why not?
The Gemara (Brachos 30a) states that when a person prays he should always include himself as part of the community. Rashi explains that this will cause his prayer to be accepted. On a simple level, we can explain that one who includes himself with the tzibur will be answered in their merit, because the community usually has more merit than the individual.
However, I believe there is an even deeper reason why including ourselves with the tzibur helps our tefillos be accepted by Hashem. The whole concept of approaching Hashem in prayer is absolutely mind-boggling. How do we have the audacity to approach the Master of the Universe, who is holier and greater than anything we can possibly imagine, and expect that He is interested in hearing us? Only because Hashem tells us so in the Torah. “For who is a great nation that has G-d close to them like Hashem our G-d, whenever we call out to Him?” (Devorim 4:7). Hashem gave our nation the special privilege of turning to Him in prayer, and He has promised to listen to our prayers. And why did we merit this special closeness? Simply because He loves us, as stated throughout Tanach. The prophet Yirmiyahu (31:3) says in the name of Hashem: “I have loved you with an eternal love.” And Yeshaya (54:10) says even more: “For the mountains will depart and the hills will move, but My loving-kindness shall not depart from you, nor will My covenant of peace move away.”
Hashem’s love for our nation is so great that even though we sinned and were sent into exile, He still loves us. Hashem did not choose us because of our good deeds; rather, He has an unconditional love for us (Maharal, Netzach Yisroel, chapter 11). Therefore, even if we sin, He will not forsake us. On the contrary, He will make sure that we repent and perfect our ways, so that we will be worthy of Him dwelling amongst us.
With this thought in mind, we can say that we specifically pray in the plural form to merit that special guarantee that Hashem will come close to us when we pray; that promise was said for when we come as part of Klal Yisroel. When we come as individuals, it is just not the same.
(As a side point, a person who thinks about this as he stands in prayer will be overcome with joy. He will realize: “I am now conversing with the King of all Kings, the Master of the Universe, and He wants to hear what I have to say!” With practice, this can change the whole way we pray.)
Together We Stand
Now, the fact that we must present ourselves as part of the nation does not mean that Hashem is not interested in us as individuals. Chazal tell us that our nation consists of 600,000 neshamos klaliyos – general souls – and from them come the neshamos of all Jews. Just as a Sefer Torah missing one letter is invalid, so too, each and every Jew in Klal Yisroel is needed in order for the nation to be complete. And this is one of the reasons for the mitzvah of loving our fellow man. Since Klal Yisroel has so many components, it is crucial that there be complete unity among all the parts. Without that togetherness, we lose our identity as a nation and revert to being just a conglomeration of heterogeneous individuals. The more we love our fellow, and the more people we love, the greater will be our power as a nation.
We can now understand the words of the Arizal. Since Hashem is interested in us as a complete nation, this is the best way we can hope to “get in the door.” Therefore, it is important to work on loving our fellow Jew before we come to Hashem in prayer.
Chazal tell us that the present exile is as a result of sinas chinam – unwarranted hatred. As we have just explained that when we are divided, we lose our status as a nation, and Hashem removes His Holy presence, the Shechina, from dwelling among us. Now, when we are deep into the period of mourning over the Bais HaMikdash, we have a perfect opportunity to strengthen the bond between us and other Jews.
As a suggestion, before each tefillah let us take one Jew and think about his good qualities. Even if there are things that bother us about that person, focus on the fact that he is also a part of our special nation. Hashem loves him just as much as you, no matter what he is doing. After you have built up these feelings with one Jew, think about another one. Eventually you will have developed strong feelings of love toward all the Yidden around you.
But it won’t stop there. In Mishlei (27:19) it states: “As water reflects a face back to a face, so one’s heart is reflected back to him by another.” The Gra explains that just as water shows the reflection of whatever face you show it, so too, our heart reflects what our fellow man is thinking about us even if we don’t know it. If he loves us, that will automatically cause us to love him. Thus, each Jew whom we love will cause him to love us. And those good feelings in his heart will hopefully cause him to love his friends and neighbors, until our entire nation will come to that level of complete shalom that will bring Moshiach, b’ezras Hashem!
