David was plagued with challenges. He was diagnosed as suffering from Attention Deficit Hypertension Disorder (ADHD) as well as a host of other related social issues. The students in his second grade class excluded him from nearly all the class activities and in the classroom he was a wreck. By second grade he had already gained a name for himself. The teacher, who would now have him for a student, was prepared and warned by the teaching staff that had David as a student previously to watch out. “David is just incorrigible. Get set for a tough year.”
To make matters worse, Daniel’s mother, after years of teacher’s meetings and abuse about her son, had developed the attitude that everyone was against him and the teachers have no time for him nor do they really care. After the first three months of the year, this second grade teacher was scheduled to have a conference with the mother and she really didn’t know how to achieve her goal in getting this mother to work with her to somehow benefit David.
David, with all his faults and challenges however, was a sweet boy. He cared about people and was very sensitive to all the children’s feelings despite the fact that they excluded him from recess activities and they just weren’t nice to him.
There was no question that when Mrs. Cohen entered the room to meet the teacher she was hostile from the outset. She sat with her arms clasped, avoiding to look directly at the teacher – prepared to once again hear the complaints about her son and set with her response “you all just hate him.”
But there was something different about the surroundings in this conference. The teacher was not sitting at a desk nor was she sitting opposite her. Instead she pulled up a chair right next to her side and then sat down. The body-language was different than in previous times. It was almost as if she was saying “we are all on the same team; how can we help each other and then help David.”
The teacher began the conversation: “You know, Mrs. Cohen, David is a sweet, sensitive boy. He is so caring that he would literally take the shirt off his back and give it to you if you needed it.”
Mrs. Cohen arms began to unfold from the clasped position of her original stance and she placed her hands on her eyes and began to sob. The teacher became frightened –she thought that she had done something terrible.
“Mrs. Cohen: Can I help you? Did I say something wrong?”
“No.” she responded. “It’s just that every conference that I have attended in previous years, all the teachers told me was what a terrible boy my son was. This is the first time that someone said something nice!”
“He is a sweet boy!” the teacher continued. “I know that! But he has problems –even at home.”
And with that statement, the door was opened.
From that moment on the mother shared her intimate concerns about her son, and together with the teacher, focused on strategies to help David overcome his issues.
There is a method and approach in meeting with parents and succeeding in getting them to work with the teacher in the best interest of their child. Teachers need to think earnestly before these conferences take place (especially the students who have obvious serious learning or psychological issues) on how to reach the parent and how to motivate them to arrive at the conclusion that “We are all working together for the benefit of your child; we are all on the same team and we also want what is best for him/her.”