Words have tremendous power. They can console and comfort, yet also destroy and humiliate. Jewish texts are replete with references to the power of speech and the enormous responsibility people have to guard their words. Our Sages say that anyone who insults another person has no share in the World to Come, and that the sin is equivalent to murdering the insulted person. They also teach us that the Second Temple was destroyed because people were not careful with their relationships with other people. Insulting and hurting others became the norm rather than the exception.
There is an old Yiddish saying, “A shmeis dergeit uber a vort derbleibt,” a physical strike one will eventually recover from, but a hurtful word will always remain. Words have the ability to linger and be remembered. When people say a hurtful word to their spouse or their children, it will never be totally forgotten and often will be brought up as a sore spot in their relationships.
Our Sages comment further that Almighty G-d created many guards to protect the human being against stimuli that would hurt their souls. Eyelids were created to block out harmful stimuli to the eyes; earlobes may be pushed into the ear to avoid hearing something undesirable. The power of speech, however, was given two guards – the teeth and the lips. It would seem that Almighty G-d wanted to underscore the importance and the potentially dangerous power of speech. He thus placed two guards on it to emphasize the importance of guarding one’s tongue from saying hurtful things. People must realize the enormous destructive potential of words – which also have powerful potential for doing good and shaping the very history and future of humanity.
When G-d created the world, He did it with words. Every action of creation was accomplished using words. “And G-d said, ‘Let there be light.’” “And G-d said, ‘Let us create man.’” Creation is realized by G-d using words.
Man was created in the image of G-d. What makes us special is that Almighty G-d gave us His power of words to use productively in our lives. With them, we can create or we can destroy. Our words, when used properly, can instantly change things. When a man and woman marry, before the words “Harei at mekudeshet li” (Thou are betrothed to me) are recited, the couple is forbidden to have any physical contact. Once these words are uttered, they become permitted to each other. When we declare before Pesach that any chametz that may be found is as if “it is the dust of the earth,” our words effect this change. This is the awesome, godly power of our words. Hence it is incumbent on us to use this gift wisely and to be careful when speaking.
The problem of speech control in day schools and yeshivot affects both adults and children alike. Middle school students can be absolutely cruel to each other in saying or writing online words that destroy the very worth of another child, and high school students, in an attempt to be accepted by their peers, do the same. Thus, it is imperative that we teach our children the importance of guarding their speech. How we impart this message impacts directly on how they will behave when they become adults. They need to see adults modeling this self-control at all times.
Our first focus must be on sensitizing the teaching staff to the importance of their speech. Teachers sometimes denigrate students behind their backs, assuming that no one hears them, when all the while a child is listening. Teachers, like parents, must be role models for their students. Their behavior has a profound impact upon their students’ behavior.
I remember our school dedicating one entire week to this subject. Every day, for one hour, the children were charged with the task of not speaking lashon hara, sharpening their awareness of the importance of guarding one’s tongue from speaking evil. That single lesson, where students were made aware of the power they yield, had a tremendous effect on the entire school. With these small steps, students learned sensitivity; teachers learned the proper forum for discussion about students; and everyone became unspoken role models for each other. Indeed, for that week, hearing someone say, “Shhh! It’s lashon hara!” was a common occurrence in the halls of our school.
It is also a lesson that should be taken beyond the four walls of a school – to shuls, community centers, offices, or any other social network. To achieve this end would strengthen relationships and promote unity and good will amongst the Jewish people. Something we all desperately need.
