Dear Eternal and Almighty God, Who brought Avraham Avinu out of a burning furnace, Who saved Daniel in the den of ions, Who brought your People out of slavery, gave us the Torah and brought us into the Promised Land, Who gave us the Holy Temples and led us not only to survive 2,000 years until the re-establishment of the State of Israel but also survive the harsh decree of having to suffer political leaders, many of whom are in prison and even more who should be behind bars, may You save us as this time of peril;
May you grant us protection from politicians who lead us into folly while they imagine it is they and not You leading us to peace and prosperity;
May you grant them the wisdom to know they are puppets being pulled by their own egos;
May you speedily bring us through this period of danger and have pity on our souls; apparently we have sinned because how else can one explain being oppressed with stupid campaign commercials that are beneath the dignity of apes You created;
May the God of our forefathers grant Tzipi Livni the wisdom and vision to realize she is an idiot;
May you grant Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu the understanding that his wife needs a better psychologist than she is;
May You, the Creator of heaven and earth, grant a speedy recovery to Bujie Herzog and return to him his marbles, and while You are it, please wake up his grandfather and former Chief Rabbi Yitzchak HaLevi Herzog to tell his grandson to repent;
May you teach several learned rabbis that living in Judea and Samaria does not make them or me any holier than someone living in Tel Aviv, even if he is Peace Now director Yariv Oppenheimer, may he return to sanity;
May You, our Eternal Protector, drive some sense into the minds of national religious voters who cannot bear to be represented by a party such as Bayit Yehudi (Jewish Home) because its leader wears a small kippa, no beard and thinks that a secular nationalist Zionist is not treif, even if she is a woman;
May You have mercy on the chronically ill left-wing and remover their suffering and pain in their final days and bring its soul to eternal rest;
May you put a few grey hairs on Naftali Bennett’s balding head so he doesn’t look like a little kid acting as a grown-up;
And lastly, dear God, Who split the Red Sea and kept the sun from setting for Joshua, could you possibly make March 17 come a bit sooner, like tomorrow?