“Nachas” is one of those words that elude easy translation. Perhaps the simplest definition is “pride,” used most often in the context of what a parent receives from child. We bless one another, and pray for ourselves, that they and we should see nachas, or Yiddishe nachas, from their or our children. Usually, this means wishing for those children to achieve the metrics of success as defined by their social construct: religious commitment, achievement in Torah study, academic success, physical health, financial wealth, marriage of their children, the birth of descendants and so on.
The trouble with this definition is that it turns a relationship between a parent and a child into a transactional one. Often, parents view nachas as the payoff for cleaning up diapers and vomit, helping with countless hours of homework and hanging on during the roller coaster that is the teenage years. Even if that payment is not made immediately, it is still viewed as deserved when it comes to fruition in adulthood. Our children didn’t ask to be brought into the world; as Rabbi Yoni Fischer said in a recent viral video clip, our children are not nachas machines. Our job is to love them for who they are, even as we guide them to be the best possible versions of themselves.
May we all see true nachas!