Title: Happiness in the face of Adversity
By: Rabbi Elie Feder, PhD
Mosaica Press
I couldn’t have been more wrong about this book; don’t make my mistake!
Generally, I read books because their topic grabs my attention, and I assume I’ll enjoy the book’s novel ideas that I wasn’t aware of beforehand. Every once in a while I read a book out of a sense of obligation because a friend wrote it or the book contains information I need but I’m not actually interested in the topic.
I initially wanted to read Rabbi Feder’s book because he’s someone I respect and I thought there would be something I could learn from his words. But a book about a letter his late mother wrote to her children didn’t grab my interest in the way many other books do.
I couldn’t have been more wrong. Rabbi Feder – a rebbe, math professor, co-host of the podcast “Physics to God,” and author of the 2022 title Gematria Refigured – uses his mother’s words in a letter she wrote to her children before a serious surgery as a starting point to teach some of the most poignant lessons about adversity, suffering, and true happiness. The lessons of this book are relevant, timely, and crucial to people looking to understand other people and themselves.
In the publisher’s description: “In a heartfelt letter written to her children before a life-threatening surgery, Shani Feder, a”h – a woman who embraced both severe illness and immense joy – reveals her deep thoughts on living a life filled with happiness.
In Happiness in the Face of Adversity, Elie Feder delves into his mother’s inspirational letter, analyzing it line by line and weaving her evocative advice with the enduring wisdom of Chazal.
Through its engaging conversational style, this book offers readers profound insights and practical steps to live a joyous Torah life, even amidst life’s inevitable challenges.
There were a number of passages in the book that truly resonated with me. For one, Rabbi Feder writes, “The key to understanding ‘men of trust’ is the difference between planning and worrying. Men of trust plan; they don’t worry. Once they formulate and implement a thought-out plan, as Rashi says, “they find security in God, rely on Him to do good, and aren’t worried about a loss.” What’s the difference between planning and worrying? Planning is rational and productive; worrying is irrational and counterproductive.”
Another passage that resonated with me was about his mother’s smiling to greet them and asking them about their lives, “Anyone who knew my mother, even remotely, thought the world of her. Why? I’m sure there were many reasons. But, in my opinion, the main reason was because she cared deeply about each and every person. Whenever meeting anyone, she would greet them with a smile and kind words. She would convey genuine interest by asking about them and their families. Not only was she happy about her own life, but she was also genuinely happy about the good in other people’s lives as well.” Rabbi Feder uses this description of his mother to explain the importance of loving others as yourself, the challenges in fulfilling this important mitzvah, and how a basic point of this mitzvah is taking interest in other people’s lives. I am particularly challenged by this and found Rabbi Feder’s explanations and tips helpful.
One last passage that meant a great deal to me was Rabbi Feder’s explanation for why helping others in the way you want to be helped helps you become a happier person. Rabbi Feder writes, “It helps you build strong relationships with other people who mutually look out for each other’s needs. Furthermore, your genuine concern for others helps you feel good about yourself. Finally, these steps direct you toward the sublime sense of happiness that comes from understanding your true place in God’s world.”
I think every Jew, no matter how happy and healthy, can gain from Rabbi Feder’s book. He presents each lesson with both a sophisticated Torah thought and easy-to-understand-and-follow practical steps. More than a “self-help” book, this is a book of wisdom that should be read by all Jews.
