Same Book, Different Page
I know that when we see potential, when we see beauty and possibilities, we tell ourselves that we can figure this out. We convince ourselves that we need to look beyond the logistics and the minutiae to focus on the bigger picture, and the chance for long-term happiness.
Dear Dr. Yael
When we have watched one marriage unravel, especially that of our own child, the heart and amygdala become hyper-alert. What once might have registered as background noise now sounds like an alarm.
Age Old
To your credit, you were not planning for this to happen. But you truly believe that this is something real and right and you have made a commitment to each other.
Anxiety Roundtable: Ask The Experts
Anxiety becomes something serious when your child is unable to function or takes an inordinate amount of time to perform normal every day activities.
Dear Dr. Yael
Your husband’s parenting style is not just about kindness; it is about fear. He is afraid that if he sets limits, he will lose his children’s love.
Count Your Blessings
There are inequitable and unfair judgments made by those with sons in the dating world. For reasons never fully understood, boys have an advantage in dating.
Dear Dr. Yael
Your parents were once the center of your world; however, now your husband is meant to become that center. This does not take your parents out of the picture. Having kibud av v’em (respect for your mother and father) is still very important, but your tafkid (job) is now to honor your husband.
The Stage is Set
I know you are coming from a good place. I know that you just want what your friends got. It’s not your fault that you live in an Instagram world filled with photo ops instead of memories. And I want you to have a special proposal. I really do. Just not the one you are picturing.
30-Day Anxiety Challenge (Part I)
Do you live like that? Constantly imagining danger around the corner? Are you suffering from low-grade anxiety on a constant basis?
Dear Dr. Yael
Help your daughter understand that this girl is not better than her; rather, she likely has low self-esteem and needs to hurt others to feel better.
Trust Me
You know that part of forging an authentic connection is sharing, but you are scared. Because, of course, it’s scary to share.
Learning a New Language: Speaking to your Tween
A lot of this unique and personal language that you develop with your child happens until around the time your child starts sixth or seventh grade.
Dear Dr. Yael
It is important to understand that your compliments and reminders of all of your blessings will not cure your wife’s insecurities or comparisons. This is because insecurity is an internal struggle.
Change Me Not
He is not changing. This is who he has been for a long time, and will likely be for the foreseeable future. Of course, we are all capable of growth, but he is who he is, and that will not be different in three weeks or three months.
Dear Dr. Yael
Choosing to judge others favorably and to refrain from unnecessary conflict is not weakness; rather it is an avodah and reflects real inner work. In a world that rewards sharp words and quick comebacks, self-control requires strength.
It’s All a Matter of Taste
You have been given a gift. You met a girl who seems perfect for you. You like everything about her and are considering an engagement. Your friend didn’t want to marry her. This is an even greater gift! She was clearly meant for you and not for him, and that was clear to him and we hope now to you as well.
Dear Dr. Yael
Your children are not saying, “Don’t be happy.” They are saying, “Please don’t forget.” It is important to name their fear out loud and remind them often that no one will ever replace their father.
DO-NUT Believe Me
Sometimes a person who does not have the emotional maturity and mentchlichkeit we expect of them will deflect and redirect so that they don’t need to be honest and transparent.
This Is Me
Even if the guy you are hoping for is so outdoorsy he fillets his own fish at restaurants, he is still going to be affected by your appearance.
Raise a Flag
Green flags do not offer the same shock value as their red counterparts, but they are even more important.
Anxiety Roundtable: Ask the Experts
Almost all anxiety is normal. It’s what you do with anxiety that makes it normal or not normal. In reality, everyone is going to become anxious about changes, new experiences, and risks, but the way different people deal with those anxieties is key.
The Journey
Use this as an opportunity to widen your circle. Share meals with new people, attend community events, and visit new places. This will allow you to meet people who are not in your direct social circle who may have new dating possibilities for you.
Validation Proclamation
As members of Klal Yisrael, I would hope that we would all offer empathy and compassion. Telling someone NOT to feel is not our way. Discouraging someone from feeling sad or mad or hurt doesn’t work. It doesn’t erase feelings.
Tradition
First, you need to believe in the system. You need to have faith in your parents and their research. You need to have confidence in their understanding of you and your wants and needs.
Timing, Is Everything
We don’t have to establish that you love your sister and you want to see her happy. We take this as fact. Regardless, the sadness, shame, and anger for feeling this way are eating at you.
Run, Dater, Run
A guy who immediately suggests that you change in order to meet their approval is not someone you can keep in your life.
Rules, Rules, Rules: Are There Some Rules To Live By?
On a much more serious note, Judaism prescribes many rules that we follow that involve both moral and religious codes.