Dear Dating Coach,
I am a pretty, frum, hardworking, and good-hearted girl, dating for a few years now. I have gotten “no’s” based on my family’s background (too yeshivish/not yeshivish enough), my parents’ income (no money), and my job (OT, too generic). I have been rejected based on the city I live in (OOT), the seminary I went to (too mainstream), and the shul my father davens in (breakaway). I feel like I can’t catch a break and my circumstances leave me ten paces behind girls who come from “more.” What can I do to increase my chances of getting a good guy to date me?
Single Circumstance
Dear Circumstance,
It was Yeshiva Week! A marketing idea created by Pesach Program directors, tired teachers, and travel agents. If you were blessed to go away with your children to an exotic locale, or just around the corner, you were lucky to have understanding bosses and the chance to spend time with family. Over the week, our family enjoyed time together and the chance to regroup and relax. But I could not help but overhear other Yeshiva Vacationers grumbling near us. They complained as they scarfed down tasty meals, stood on line for fun activities, and held healthy, exhausted children after an excitement-filled day. Yes, everything can be hard… blah, blah, blah. But no one likes a whiner. Especially one soaked in sunshine and beracha.
I Need a Vacation…
Thank you for reaching out. You are struggling to be matched with dates who are worthy of the effort you put into your character and development. You want to get married and you are deserving of a guy who complements you and all that you are. Yet, you believe that your background and situation put you at a distinct disadvantage in our frum dating world.
From My Vacation.
It’s true. There are inequitable and unfair judgments made by those with sons in the dating world. For reasons never fully understood, boys have an advantage in dating. Wonderful girls have to market themselves with determination, while boys seem to have the pick of the litter. So yes, we can pretend otherwise, but girls with advantageous backgrounds can be sought after more than those who come from simple, different, or more complicated families. Is this unfair? Sure. Are there incredible girls that might be overlooked by shadchanim and mothers of excellent boys? Sure. But to complain is not the answer. It will only slow you down.
Instead, continue to radiate your kindness, your talents, and your capabilities. Smile and connect with people and give back to those in need. Do good. Take care with your appearance to look nice and worthy of who you are on the inside. Reach out to the right shadchanim, your family, and friends and ask them to think of you, to daven for you, and to set you up if they can. Do your part. With positivity. With confidence. Always work on bettering yourself. You will meet the right person for you and everything else will just become background noise.