First and foremost, the atmosphere in the house is toxic; everyone is suffering immensely and not reaching out to each other for comfort, but rather suffering individually. Your daughter, having just given birth and under great stress, could well be suffering from Postpartum Depression, exacerbated by her baby’s condition and the guilt piled on by her husband. The other children are also affected by the upheaval and do not understand why their lives have been turned upside-down. And your son-in-law, instead of being concerned and supportive of his wife and trying to restore calm and stability in the home, has chosen to desert his family and wallow in his own private pain. Each family member individually, and the family unit as a whole, would benefit from therapeutic counseling.
Hashem does not make mistakes! Everything He creates is perfect, and there is perfection even in that which we perceive as imperfect. Every child is a precious gift, sent to parents who will nurture and care for the neshama entrusted to them. How do you return such a gift and say, “Thank you Hashem… but give this baby to someone else”? We all receive what we are supposed to have, not always what we want, but what Hashem has prepared for us. Who are we then to say we don’t want it? Not many things in life come easily, and most of what is worth having comes with hardships and no answers. It is up to us to learn how to accept with grace and thanks all that He gives us and know that even though we do not understand why, there is brocha to be found.
Many years ago I went to an art gallery showing the work of an unknown artist. I noticed that in all of his works there was something broken, cracked or missing. The gentleman standing next to me asked me what I thought of these paintings, which were all breathtakingly beautiful, and I mentioned that I noticed the fine line imperfections in each painting, but that they seemed to belong there and added to the symmetry and balance of the works. The man nodded his head and asked if I felt that the works would have been better if the imperfections were removed. I answered truthfully and without hesitation that I thought they were absolutely perfect just the way they were, that the imperfect vessels in each painting are what made them perfect. He thanked me and said that’s exactly the message he hoped everyone who looked at his paintings would come away with.
Your little granddaughter is perfect in her imperfection and she is meant to be an integral part of your family. I believe that you have an important role to play in bringing your family together and hope that you have already called the people I spoke of and made connections to have them visit your daughter and her family. There are a number of solutions available and I hope that you will avail yourself of all the options. In the meantime, it is cathartic and healing to begin taking an active role in helping the family come together
May Hakodosh Boruch Hu give you strength and love to come together as a family and find room for this imperfectly perfect new little member. She will bring you much love and joy, if only you can see her for what she truly is, Hashem’s gift.