Dear Friend,
First and foremost, you need help in coping with a special needs child. You sound like you are at the breaking point and keeping these destructive feelings bottled up will only serve to make them fester and the toxic by-product will prove dangerous to both of you. You need to speak to a therapist who will help you wade through your feelings of dislike for your son and help you understand how to control your angry and impulsive reactions towards him.
Putting aside the fact that you are a mother, you, as an adult are pitting yourself against a defenseless child who is dealing with overwhelming issues. Your mother-in-law was definitely on the right track in her approach to this child that, had you had the wherewithal to observe and adopt for yourself, may have been key to his behavioral improvement. Had you also listened to her sage advice to consult with a child therapist and have your son evaluated, so that you know exactly what he is suffering from (and he is truly suffering), you would both be on the way to a healing and positive future. Sadly, you chose to satisfy your own methods in the name of vanity or pride and everyone suffers. But it is not too late to have him evaluated and the appropriate treatment devised to help him.
There are a multitude of emotional and mental reasons for your son’s symptoms, and there are wonderful medications and treatments available to help him towards a happy and productive life. Step away from your pride and self pity and get him the help he needs. Even something as simple as how you relate to him can make all the difference in the world, but only a trained therapist can help you find out for sure. Make that appointment immediately.
I believe that you love your son, but are repressing that feeling because you are hurt that you cannot reach him, or protect him from himself. That you raised your hand and hit him is what is tearing you apart. What he needs when he is angry is the kind of loving, firm and consistent response your mother-in-law implemented and appeared to have great success with. Just remember, he’s little and surely terrified at what he’s going through, not understanding what he’s doing wrong or why he’s being punished. It is a frightening and scary place for a little child who must do battle, not just with others, but with himself as well.
Get him the help he needs and I can almost grantee that as he responds to treatment, your maternal instincts for him will come to the forefront and all that pent up and withheld love will spill forth to nourish and heal both of you.
