Readers React To Single and Singing Hodu l’Hashem (Chronicles, April 9, 2023)
Dear Rachel,
The letter written by the young man whose marriage was over before it ever began sounds all too familiar. You said it right: it is not as uncommon as some would like to believe. I recall a strikingly similar occurrence from over forty years back that was whispered about (in those days things were not discussed as openly as they are in this day and age). The roles, however, were reversed – it was the poor young bride who was rejected by the chassan.
This letter-writer’s attitude is refreshing. Time to move on. Good for him.
Dear Rachel,
Regarding “Single and Singing,” I have a close friend who had the same thing happen to her. Yes, the kallah went through the ordeal this young man describes.
My friend was pretty devastated and allowed herself to get talked into “giving it time” – to no avail. Their marriage was ultimately annulled. She could have saved herself endless agida.
Dear Rachel,
After reading this man’s compelling story, I was surprised by your response. This man is in pain and needs more than “you were meant to go through this ordeal for good reason.” As an observant Jew, he knows this already and was looking for something more personal to help him not feel so alone and abandoned. The fact that he willingly bore his soul indicates his level of pain and his need for some specific tools to help him through this very difficult time in his life. If you have this opportunity to help people, then please meet them at their level of need, providing them with empathy and some tools that can truly help them.
Dear Rachel,
The chassan whose dream of a happy life ahead was short-lived is pretty fortunate, if you ask me. Waiting around for the poor young lady to have her issues resolved would have been like throwing good money after bad.
A close relative of mine had the exact thing happen to him, except that his kallah did not run out on him. He decided not to have confrontations during the week of sheva brachos. Later, when things ended up getting worse rather than better, he took his parents into his confidence.
To make a very long story short, the families panicked and set about trying to fix things. The “extremely shy” bride and her hapless innocent husband received therapy from “experts in marriage woes” from virtually all over of the globe. The poor young husband had been a sought-after bochur, as virtuous as they come. After over a year of therapy and not an iota of improvement, he finally gave her a get.
Dear Readers,
Life is not simple. Nor is it meant to be. Since the hour is late (almost publishing time), here’s some good news: Single and Singing is still singing but no longer single. He has since, b’chasdei Hashem, remarried!
He also shares that he harbors no ill will or hard feelings for his first kallah and recognizes that nothing happens without the will of Hashem. Indeed!
