Dear Mrs. Bluth,
My daughter is twelve years old, a good, beautiful and temimusdika bas Yisrael who is suffering greatly and I don’t know what to do anymore to help her! She is on the spectrum and high functioning, and is very talented artistically, she is very respectful most times but when she feels hurt, judged or shunned she can act out verbally and behaviorally, stomping out of a room, slamming doors, and yelling. She is our middle child and only daughter and we have tried almost everything suggested to us, from getting her private tutoring so she can keep up all the way to actually moving to a different local so she can attend a school expressly for children like her. But nothing helps, she is still shunned by even girls like herself and abandoned to ridicule, abusive acts by her peers with little intervention from teachers and staff who should be trying to help her.
My wife and I have turned our lives upside down to give this child some quality of life and social outlet, all to no avail. We uprooted our eldest and youngest sons from their yeshivas and friends to this end, all to no avail. No one cares! The schools designed to help these kids are just glorified babysitting services that collect subsidies from the city and state but provide no supervision or education to these kids. Often the teachers are either ill equipped or burned out and unable to control these small classes of needy children. Even though we have been given to understand that most parents whose children are afflicted, wash their hands of discipline and direction in the home and look to these schools to do what they should be propagating in their households.
I understand that schools are not designed to instill derech eretz, middos, and ahavas habrios, but at least they should work in tandem with those parents who work hard for their children to maintain a sense of civility which is missing in their homes. We love our daughter and want the best for her both at home and in school. From what I have gathered by talking to others is that there is a great divide when it comes to educating one’s child when she leaves home. Foul language, disrespect, and bad behavior are not checked in the classroom, thus it is brought back to the home and poisons the environment for our other children who must be exposed to it. Please help me find a good school for my daughter without uprooting my family yet again. A place that cares about her now and for her future, so that our family can remain whole and healthy as best as possible under the circumstances.
A Distraught and nearly Destroyed Father
Dear Friend,
Your pain is palpable in every line of your letter. What you are going through and experience is a daily occurrence in many homes and the cry of failure is great! Why is not enough done to help this ever growing faction of our society? The number of children suffering from, or are currently afflicted with Aspergers, autism and the like, are ever growing. Logic would dictate that we address these conditions with greater intensity and purpose! These are not disposable fragments of our society, these are OUR children! Where are our voices for the greater good? Why is there such a deafening silence when the need grows bigger from day to day, to try and build up these kids so that they will be able to function at their highest potential instead of shoving them to a side with token effort and little application? Many of these kids are high functioning and just on the cusp and with the proper care and guidance, can live productive and fulfilling lives if given the right tools early enough!
Yours is not the first of a multitude of letters regarding this subject. I have reached out to my readership quite a number of times along with your letter, making it the umpteenth time this important issue has been aired in this column. I would hope that anyone with any connection to the powers that be on this matter, will this time, step up and come forth with help in the way of better schooling, organization and teachers to help our klal, our Yiddishe kinderlach who are afflicted, so that they can reach their full potential in aTorahdik svivah under the auspices of loving, caring and compassionate teachers!
In fact, I think every Bais Yaakov, yeshiva or moshav of learning should incorporate a special segment of their tutelage for just such students, so that they can continue moving forward in their kosher environment and grow to achieve their fullest potential, so much so, that they will be proud of themselves and be a nachas to Klal Yisrael. This would be one of the greatest of the great mitzvah endeavors of our time. And who knows? Perhaps this is the one that will finally bring Moshiach to bring us home!
