Dear Mrs. Bluth,
I have a major issue on my hands, one that should not be my responsibility but became so because all those directly involved refuse to address it. It’s my mother-in-law. My wife and I live out of town but came in for a visit recently and stayed with my wife’s parents who have a large house and could accommodate us and our seven young children. On the second night we were there, at around three in the morning, I heard strange muffled noise coming from the kitchen which is back to back with our bedroom. So as not to wake up and worry my wife I quietly went out to see what was making that noise. What I found was my mother-in-law, fully dressed and taking everything out of the refrigerator and throwing all the food into the garbage can. When she looked up and saw me, she smiled and said that everything is spoiled and she is going out to buy fresh food to replenish what was ‘spoiled’ and thrown out.
Mrs. Bluth, there had to be hundreds of dollars worth of perfectly good frozen meat, fish and other items of frozen food along with that of the refrigerator section in the trash! I asked her how she knew it was all spoiled, she answered because she was listening to the radio and the announcer said that for safety reasons everyone had to toss out every morsel of refrigerated and frozen food because it was all tainted. I tried to tell her it was three o’clock in the morning and the stores were not open yet. Perhaps it would be a good idea for her to go and lie down for a while until they did and that I would continue to clean out the fridge for her. She thought it over for awhile and then agreed, thanking me profusely. After she’d gone to her room I quickly retrieved everything, putting all of it back into the refrigerator and freezer so as not to have things really spoil and defrost. It was 6:00 a.m. when I returned to bed, and tried to figure out what had just occurred. I knew my kids would be getting up at seven, which didn’t give me much time to think this through as to how to present it to my wife.
We all gathered for breakfast and my mother-in-law was still wearing the clothes she wore earlier that morning, so I took a chance and asked her if she had already been out shopping. She gave me a very puzzled look and asked me why she needed to go out and shop when she had everything at home. I was totally floored and decided to hold off speaking to my wife about the early morning encounter. But I watched her carefully for the next five days of our stay and noticed a number of other oddities, one being confusing orange juice for milk when one of my kids asked for milk, calling my wife by my sister-in-law’s name, which my wife thought was a bit odd but then again, not exceptionally unusual as they are twins. Then there was the episode where she misplaced her car keys and was frantic until we told her that it’s been a long time since she drove so the car was sold. This, too, was a reason for levity from all who found it hilarious, but my gut told me otherwise. She lives alone with my father-in-law and is basically his caretaker, which I find frightening given what I have witnessed.
That night I told my wife about my own experience with her and my wife simply refused to believe it. She said her mother was a heavy sleeper and often walked in her sleep and as for the fridge stuff, it was probably all just part of the dream she was having. I stood there with my mouth open in disbelief at her quick and dismissive observation. So I let it go then, deciding to call the other adult children and see what they thought. Every one of them were unconcerned and said that sometimes she forgets things, misplaces things or confuses one of them for the other, but she’s generally clear-thinking and lucid. We left as our visit ended, but I left with a heavy heart not knowing who to turn to for help about my worries.
Am I being overly observant, over-protective and worrying for nothing? Or is there really merit to my worry and perhaps some action does need to be taken. I would never forgive myself if something happened to them and I didn’t take enough steps to prevent it.
Dear Friend,
Your fears are not unfounded or unwarranted. There are many troublesome markers throughout your letter to warrant an intervention immediately, if not sooner. Your mother-in-law is definitively presenting unnatural behavior which can be attributed to many different things and should be addressed as soon as possible. She is in great need to be assessed for any number of early onset conditions, which may well be exacerbated by the beginnings of Alzheimer’s, dementia, hardening of the arteries, just to name a few, as well as, perhaps disorientation due to an adverse or allergic reaction to some medications she’s taking that affects cognition and cause deterioration of the brain.
She needs to be seen by a slew of doctors to determine what is causing her abnormal behavior before they get worse and the window of opportunity to get help closes. To be cavalier about her behavior is life-threatening. Please show this column to your wife and tell her to reach out to her siblings post-haste to get her help. Also, she should not be living alone with your needy father-in-law, when she could readily be confusing turpentine for vinegar or Mr. Clean for cooking oil!
This is a highly serious matter and should be attended to yesterday!
Please get her the help she needs immediately before you, challila, have to live with the guilt of having not done so sooner. Please let me know the results of her condition. I deeply care!
