Dear Mrs. Bluth,
I am caught between a rock and a hard place and don’t know what to do. We have four children, baruch Hashem, but our second youngest son is Autistic , suffering additional conditions as well as PTS syndrome. He is a sweet child but can have mood swings at the drop of a hat and for some time we couldn’t figure out a way to stabilize his anger/terror issues. A new therapist we had gone to before the summer suggested we get him a service dog and because he himself has seen the wonderful, calming changes these animals bring about, he feels it was worth a try.
My husband was very against having an animal in the house. We are ultra Orthodox and it is not our way to keep any animal other than a bird in the home. The therapist asked that both my husband and I attend the next session with our son and with great difficulty, I finally convinced my husband to come. My husband felt that the therapist went beyond his boundaries to try to convince us but that he would not be swayed. On the day of the visit, my husband was visibly tense and ready for argument no matter what I said or how much I tried to calm him and this affected our son. All the way to the therapist’s office he was howling and kicking me in the car. We were escorted into the therapist’s office straight away to avoid having us in the waiting room with our uncontrollable child.
Once seated, the therapist directed his voice to my son and said the word BLUE loud and clear, and like magic he quitted down and even appeared happy as he turned his attention to a door behind the therapist’s desk. As we looked on, as if in a trance at what just happened, the therapist went to the door and slowly opened it, allowing a small, furry dog into the room. My son whispered the word BLUE in a gentle voice and the well behaved dog slowly trotted over to him and put his face in my son’s lap as this child lovingly and gently hugged and patted the dog’s head. He was so happy and loving with this animal in a way we had never seen him before.
My husband just sat there in a trance, as did I, as the therapist went on to tell us that Blue was a therapy dog, his dog, that he often used to see if his presence during treatment yielded success in calming, soothing and/or helping his young clients cope with the therapy directives and skill enhancement therapy they block out due to their inhibitions and ailments. Sometimes, like in our son’s case, Blue was a great aide to breaking the natural barriers these children have that will not allow the benefit of any therapy to move forward. He told us that Eli greatly benefited from having Blue at these sessions and strongly believes that his progress would be greatly enhanced moving forward if we would agree to have a Blue of our own for Eli.
We explained our predicament, that we belonged to a community that does not allow dogs or any four legged animal for that matter, into our homes as pets. That Eli’s school (yeshiva) would cast him out if it became known that we had such an animal and that it would affect the friendships of our other children. The therapist then said he had heard this a number of times before and that it boiled down to the choice we would have to make to help this child move forward in life to the best of his ability or to maintain our own position in our community at the expense of his well-being and progress and future development.
When the session was over, I thought we wouldn’t be able to pry Eli away from Blue, but the therapist said ‘Eli, Blue needs to rest now, you can see him again soon’, and Eli just gave the dog one more hug and sat quietly until we got home.
That night, my husband and I talked and just couldn’t come to any concrete solution and that is the reason for this letter. Please help us see the right way to go about this without turning our lives upside down.
Dear Friends,
Your letter challenged my memory, which still seems to be working and I recall a letter similar to your own that came to me many, many years ago. The parents also faced a tough decision to bring a service dog into their home to help their child move forward and reach his/her full potential, all this with the love and care of a furry, calming companion.
I cannot tell you what to do, only that whatever you do should be in the best interest of your afflicted child. Cures come packaged in many different forms, capsules, tablets, powders, liquids, injectables, via surgery and now, in furry coats. What would we not do to help our child tackle an affliction and strive to give him or her the best chance to lead the best life available to them? For me it’s a no-brainer. If you go to a Rav and ask a she’ela, you are bound to adhere to his decision, so understand that it behooves you to look at what’s most important to you. There are rabbis who will give you a pass by saying that the dog would also serve as protection, so you might want to do some shopping around, but I can’t guarantee that you would stay welcomed in your community, and remain upstanding members in your shul if there is a dog in your home, unless your Rav is of the same mind as mine, that every living thing has a purpose, be it a tree that gives shade, herbs that heal, or a dog that HaKodosh Baruch Hu created expressly for the purpose of assisting a doctor in healing a human being in distress.
I really don’t know if I’ve been of any help to you, but I understand and respect your plight and any decision you make should bring about a refuah shelaima and a healing for your young son.
