Dear Mrs. Bluth,
Just recently, my wife and I attended the wedding of friends of ours whom we had lost touch with over the years. It was such a surprise to be invited after not having seen or spoken to them since they moved to another state and the husband became a big name in the political arena. Their son was marrying a girl from our community, so, of course the wedding would be where the bride is from and, I came to the conclusion that that is how we got invited, through the bride’s side.
Needless to say it was an affair to end all affairs we have gone to and, being friends with the groom’s parents, we understood who was paying for this spectacular wedding. There must have been over eight hundred people and it took us forever to make our way to our old friends and give them mazel tov. Finally we reached the dais and as the groom’s mother turned to welcome us, I saw my wife go white and almost fall over. I tried to whisk her away as soon as I could fearing she had some sort of attack. I almost carried her off to a table near the garden so she could get some air.
After drinking some ice water and getting a little color back on her face, I asked her what happened. My wife could barely hold back her tears when she asked me whether I saw the necklace the machitainista was wearing and when I told her I didn’t really make a habit of checking out what women wore, she told me this: When we were newlyweds we lived right next door to these mechatanim… our old friends. We were very close and spent much time together. My wife and the mother of the groom were twice expecting at the same time and we were like one happy family.
One day, the groom’s mother came to my wife with a dilemma, she was going to be honored at their daughter’s school and she had nothing elegant that she could wear around her neck, perhaps my wife had something she could borrow. Without giving it a thought, my wife went to her jewelry box and brought out the kallah necklace I gave her when we got engaged. I almost chocked on the bagel I was eating and it suddenly hit me that I hadn’t seen her wearing it for years and years. Why she didn’t ask for it back after the school dinner is a mystery to her as well and she simply forgot about it as time passed and life became a roller coaster ride with all kinds of distractions. Now that it had resurfaced, and in this sensitive setting, what were we to do.
I recall you once had a letter where the writer had experienced an almost identical situation, I don’t recall how you advised her to deal with it. Could you please tell us how to go about asking for the necklace back after almost twenty-five years without getting into an all out war?
Dear Friends,
I do, indeed, recall the incident you were referring to, but sadly it did not end well for the woman who forgot that she had lent her mother’s heirloom broach to her friend and forgot about it until she saw the other woman wearing it at a simcha.
If your wife has a photograph of herself wearing the necklace, that would carry a lot of weight in approaching the other lady whom your wife lent it to, like the passage of twenty-five years, a small eternity when it comes to our memory banks. Would that your wife had suddenly awakened one morning and recall she had loaned her friend the special necklace and now wants it back after all this time, during which this friend no longer remembers how she got it. Without substantial proof to your claim it would only turn into a bitter argument should the other woman not wish to remember where the necklace came from. Should you have no solid proof of ownership you may hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
If I had to make a call on this, I would approach the other woman and, seeing that she is a woman of class, means and stature, hope that she will indeed remember your wife’s kindness in getting her out of a bind by lending her most precious and sentimental piece of jewelry, and be willing to return it. All you can do is try with diplomacy and well chosen words and you may succeed in having the necklace returned to you. Here’s wishing you the best of luck!
