Dear Mrs. Bluth,
I am faced with an astounding dilemma and have exhausted every avenue of help with no success. This leaves me no other choice but to submit this letter to you with the hope that, perhaps, there are others who have dealt with the same situation and can offer some suggestions.
I am the mother of three boys and six girls, bli ayin hara, and I am having great difficulty with my girls and their schooling. In comparison to the boys, who are ages seven, eleven and thirteen, my girls come home with mountains of homework every night. Even my first grader has to sit for an inordinate amount of time to review her kri’ah (recommended amount of time: fifteen minutes), write her milim (same recommended time), and study for various other projects, be it parshas hashavuah or things to make and color lekovod yomim tovim. Then there is English homework that requires at least half an hour – and sometimes more if she didn’t quite get it in class. And it only gets worse with the older ones!
Mrs. Bluth, my children are wonderful kids, obedient, well-behaved and work hard to achieve good grades; however, their school overhauled their Hebrew and English departments about two years ago and that is when my problems began. The older girls spend almost two hours a night (and often longer) on their daily homework load and when tests are scheduled stay up almost all night studying. It has taken a great toll on them. I am sure the eldest, who is sixteen, has developed an eating disorder along with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) for which she has been prescribed medication. My fourteen-year-old daughter has become nervous and has anxiety attacks, a complete personality change from the relaxed and happy teenager she once was. I am afraid their health is being compromised because they are abusing themselves trying to hold onto their excellent grades and high averages.
I have spoken with their teachers who explain that they have to stay at this pace in order to complete the curriculum for the year. I spoke to the principals in both departments who concurred with the teachers and said that I was the only mother who complained about the work load. I have spoken to some of my daughters’ friends and they cannot keep up with the work. Am I the only mother who complained? I doubt it. But no one in the hanhala seems to care. Are the expectations of the boys’ education so much lower than the girls? It certainly appears so. Is there anyone in your readership who is in the same predicament and has had success in finding a solution?
Dear Friend,
A while back, I received a similar letter in which the writer asked me what option she had to change the system in her children’s school because her daughters were stressed out and suffering under their heavy scholastic study work load. Not wanting to repeat what I said, I will give you an updated overview of what may be causing your girls angst and why, and what you can do to help change the situation so their health and well-being will not be adversely affected.
Girls are wired differently than boys – they run on emotion and adrenaline, whereas boys, on the other hand, function on physicality and brute force. Case in point: you will see girls sitting in groups talking, reading or jumping rope at recess, while boys will be running around the schoolyard playing tag, throwing a football or basketball and just trying to climb up anything taller than they are. Most girls internalize where most boys externalize, which really explains a lot. Girls need to prove themselves in the classroom; boys on the other hand view the gym or schoolyard as their proving ground of self worth. In essence, girls try harder for scholastic excellence; boys try harder for physical valor, which would explain why your daughters are stressed out and anxious. However, inasmuch as IBS may result from aggravated stress and anxiety, eating disorders are not known to be caused by heavy homework load. This is more a symptom of peer pressure or questionable self-esteem issues, even bullying, rather than too much homework.