Dear Mrs. Bluth,
I am in a terrible bind and I don’t know what to do. I know I need help, but have been negligent in dealing with it or seeking professional help because I always told myself “this time will be the last time…”, but it never is. And then last week I got caught!
Let me explain. I know what kleptomania is, but never really thought I had it. Sure, I would sneak a lipstick from the drug store into my pocket or other small objects I didn’t really need and walk out without paying for it; I’ve been doing it since I was a child. It always gave me a thrill, but as I got older, the thrill wasn’t lasting so long. In fact, I was terrified of getting caught as most stores have security cameras these days, but it still didn’t stop me. The compulsion was so powerful that not even getting caught could stop me.
Two weeks ago, as I was looking through the handbag section of a local department store, I spotted a small wallet without a price tag and automatically slipped it into my bag. I continued shopping, paid for my purchases when I was done and walked out past the glass doors. That’s when two store security guards raced after me and stopped me. They asked me if I had taken anything from the store without paying for it and I said, “No, I paid for all my purchases,” and showed them the receipt. They insisted that I accompany them back into the store and took me into a back office where they asked me to open my handbag. My heart was pounding and I felt faint as I opened my bag and there was the wallet I had slipped in. Remembering that it did not have a price tag, I said it was mine. One of the guards opened it and showed me that inside one of the compartments was a security patch that had set off a silent alarm as I left the store. The other guard had rewound the store camera tape to where it had caught me putting it into my bag. I broke down in tears and they said they had to call the police.
I begged them to please let me go, I said I had never done this before and not sure what possessed me to do it now, to no avail. The police came and I was put into a squad car, taken down to the precinct, finger-printed, had a mug-shot taken and ordered to appear in front of a judge early next month.
I am horrified at what happens if the judge finds me guilty; my husband and children do not know what happened and cannot understand why I am in a constant state of terror. I cannot eat or sleep; I say Tehillim whenever no one is around and beg Hashem to help me. So many people witnessed the police taking me away. I am horrified at how many people already know! I have no one to ask for help because to do so would only validate my guilt. Please help me overcome this ordeal and I promise, I’ll never ever do this again!
Dear Friend,
Let me erase any doubt that you may still have – you are a kleptomaniac and you need immediate therapy. What drives you to steal things is a deep emotional disturbance that needs to be treated. The fact that you use the word “take” instead of “steal” shows that you do not understand the difference between the two or the severity of your actions. You cannot fix this by yourself.
I don’t mean to sound harsh or unfeeling, because I genuinely sense your fear and indescribable terror at what may await you in a court of law. This is just the springboard that may catapult you into finally getting the help you need. In addition, you must speak to a lawyer – if money is an issue, there are avenues open to you for free legal advice.
Just as an aside, because I don’t want to heap any more pain on your spirit and your dignity, we still need to attend to the matter of your soul. “Lo Signov” is one of the Aseres HaDibros and bein adam l’chaveiro which makes it something Hakadosh Baruch Hu measures with a heavy yardstick. It’s all good and fine to say Tehillim and plead for Hashem to help you overcome this tircha; however, you have to back it up with action. For it to be considered an act of teshuva, you have to physically abolish ever repeating this aveira and the first step towards that goal is seeking out a therapist.
May you have hatzlocha in your journey, success in finding your path to good health and nachas ruach so that one day, when you have reached your destination of refuah, you can help others with the same affliction.