Dear Mrs. Bluth,
Three years ago my best friend and I found ourselves with extra time on our hands. All our kids were in school, so we decided to do what we could to bring in extra income. After many job interviews and rejections we felt were age related, we decided to put our talents together and open our own business. We both loved to cook and bake, so the logical idea was catering. We sat down to run the numbers and, while they were higher than we thought, we were sure we could make it work.
To our great surprise, when we sat down with our husbands, they were both against the idea. They pointed out a number of expenditures we hadn’t thought of, the failure rate of first-time food businesses and our general lack of business experience.
Honestly, it was advice we did not want to hear. We could already imagine the money pouring in from all the simchas we would be catering – after all, we may have been novices, but we had both done work with caterers in our neighborhoods and were known for our skill and creativity.
So, we decided to go ahead with our plan. We took out loans, set ourselves up in a yeshiva kitchen and went to work. The phones began to work almost immediately and we were off to a great start. However, there were expenses we hadn’t thought about, and when we had to change our prices, we lost some bookings.
We regrouped and started again. The work was grueling and we put in long hours, which meant we depended on family and friends to pick up the slack. Our husbands were not happy with this arrangement. In addition, the first two jobs we did came in at a loss. Then the yeshiva sent us the bill for our electric and gas use, another expense we hadn’t calculated, and we started to argue.
My partner began missing shifts and I was forced to hire another person to help. But when I needed the time off, she would not cover for me. Needless to say, the business suffered and the friendship died. A little more than a year and a half after we went into partnership, we found ourselves in beis din. Our husbands no longer speak to each other and my former partner’s marriage is on shaky ground. My husband blames me for not listening and is furious that we are now stuck with huge debt and astronomical loans to pay back, not to mention that we are the gossip of our community.
While I regret everything that happened, the greatest loss I feel is the friendship my partner and I shared and the toll this has taken on my family. I wish I could turn the clock back and have things go back to the way things were before this.
I guess I am wondering if you have suggestions as to what I can do to try to make things better.
Dear Friend,
As I read your story, what strikes me is how all of this could have been avoided if you and your friend would have done the necessary research and educated yourself as to what this type of business would require.
Since your case is still before the beis din, I won’t comment on the financials. As to your friendship, for now, I think it’s something you will have to put aside, at least until beis din makes a decision.
Your focus needs to be on your family, on mending fences with your children, reacclimating your children to having their mother back at home, etc. That is the area in which you can do the most good.
And, if you really do have free time on your hands, there are so many organizations in need of dedicated volunteers.