We received a number of letters in response to the distraught mother who wrote (3-25) about the lack of awareness of “husband abuse” in the general public.
Dear Mother,
I could have written this letter as our son had a very similar experience. My son was close to breaking his engagement but was dissuaded by his rabbi, who also tried to dissuade him from leaving his pregnant wife. You may by now realize that your daughter-in-law has a personality disorder and nothing will change if she does not get immediate help.
Please know that it is not too late for your son to leave; his children will have more peace if the are with him alone. But you must step in as his spirit is broken and he cannot think for himself anymore. You are definitely right when you say that there are abused husbands who need to be heard.
Another Mom in Pain
Dear Mrs. Bluth,
Thank you and bless you for having the courage and foresight to enlighten the Klal on the topic of spousal abuse against men. Most people immediately assume that the man is at fault in marital conflicts; however, nothing is further from the truth. I am a father who has watched his son wither away, caught up in a horrible marriage and terrorized by a crazed wife whose insecurities and fears have traumatized this fine, upstanding and tolerant young man to the brink of despondency. Attention to this unpopular issue has been a long time in coming and I am grateful to you and The Jewish Press for continuing to be the front-runners for exposing injustice, no matter how unpopular the cause. You have opened the portals and give hope to the many men who suffer in silence for fear of being ridiculed, isolated and worst of all, disbelieved.
A Father Who Will No Longer Remain Silent
Dear Mrs. Bluth,
Kol Hakovod for being a champion for the underdog in a very biased and unpopular category. I never thought I’d see the day when a woman would shed light on a problem that vilifies men and elevates the suffering of only women in troubled marriages. Our society has long been conditioned to accept, as truth, that only men are brutes and cause harm and havoc and that only women and children suffer. Now, perhaps, the truth will come out from beneath the rock under which it has long been buried and we can find solutions to the problem of domestic abuse and discord suffered by both genders. May the tenacity of your conscience to come to the aid of all people in pain serve as a role model to rabbis, batei din, judges and lawyers who have adopted the mind-frame that domestic abuse and violence are unilaterally a male dominated syndrome and that women are always the victims. Men suffer too!
Jordan
Dear Mrs. Bluth,
I am shocked that you would have published a letter from an obviously biased woman in defense of her son, who finds himself in a marriage he cannot control because he is weak and submissive to what appears to be a strong, woman, who has learned to get what she wants. By shining a light on this one possible exception, you have served to weaken the plight of women as victims of abuse at the hands of violent and abusive husbands. Generating sympathy for weak, malleable men will only give the brutes who prey on their wives more credibility and strengthen their understanding that “’might makes right” and that they have every justification to continue doing what they are doing. Shame on you!