My son was so hurt and angry that he took off his bekishe, stormed out of the house and went to stay with other relatives for the night. My husband was delirious with pain, so I took control. I told my father-in-law in a very even and steady voice, to keep his hands away from both my husband and my children, warning him that I was about to make two calls, one to Hatzolah to attend to my husband, and the second one, should he lift his hand again to anyone present, would be to the police.
Baruch Hashem, the Hatzolah members who came were able to stop the bleeding, and cautioned my husband not to apply pressure to the wound, which included wearing any kind of headgear and directing him to keep his head to a side when at rest. As they left, we could hear my father-in-law railing like a madman at my boys and at the malachim from Hatzolah for being mechalel Yom Tov. After sitting through the worst Seder of my life, I took my three boys to their room and tried to calm them down. Before going to bed, I told my mother-in-law, who had cowered in her chair throughout the ordeal without saying so much as a word, that this would be the last Pesach we would spend in her home and that we were leaving the first chance we had. I also told her that I loved her and how sorry I felt for her.
So, there you have it. Since we left that house after Havdalah there has been no communication, even a simple one to ask how my husband is. We are all still in a state of shock, but on the same page about never spending Yomim Tovim with my in-laws. I guess, what is left for me to ask is, did I do the right thing? Or should I have not taken such a strong stance?
Dear Friend,
What you did in that moment of madness was sheer heroism. That you stood up in defense of your husband and son took absolute bravery and courage, not knowing how your obviously demented father-in-law would have responded. You instinctively took control out of the hands of a loose canon and restored some semblance of decorum, so that the Seder could be conducted and completed without incidence. Yet, throughout all of this, you still found enough compassion to offer words of kindness for your mother-in-law, acknowledging that she is a victim too. You have my absolute seal of approval.
It goes without saying that your father-in-law is a not a well man, and not just due to his visible ailments of diabetes and the like. From your description it would seem that he might need intensive psychiatric care and possibly medication. As for your mother-in-law, she might still benefit from psychological intervention, as would you, your husband and your children.
Please look into getting help for your family and caution your mother-in-law to see to it that your father-in-law gets immediate attention, before something harmful happens. You did not state if there are other adult children who might be able to get involved and help; if there are, please speak with them. The road ahead is a hard one, but it is a road that must be traveled if a change for the better is desired.
