Dear Mrs. Bluth,
This comes in reply to the woman whose sons and son-in-law are attempting to recapture her business after seizing it from her husband (9-16). I submit the following information for her to consider:
If she has signs of dementia, her family can petition the Court to become her legal guardians, gaining control of her assets to be used expressly *for her.* Even if she has sold her business, they can get control of whatever she has through guardianship. There is Court oversight as to how guardians spend their ward’s money; it is intended to insure that the money is only spent on the ward and her needs. However, there is a lot of room for misuse and misrepresentation on the part of the guardians.
She says, “My doctor informed me that questions have been raised about my mental health….” What does this mean? Are her sons and son-in-law fabricating this claim as a tactic to get control of the business? Or, does she really have signs of dementia? She assumes the allegations are false, but it is possible that they are accurate. She must find out, and from sources other than her doctor and family.
Her doctor may be unaware of her family’s war against her, or he may be aware but have a personal relationship with those plotting against her. He may be accepting their statements as objective truth. He cannot, therefore, be relied upon as a source of accurate information.
She should go to a medical source that is in no way connected with her family or her doctor to get tested. She should not give the names of her family members or that of her personal physician to this new source. She needs information that is unbiased and objective to counteract any false statements made against her so they will not influence the findings of the new source. The testing information should include the findings of an independent neuropsychologist or psychiatrist who can do a capacity evaluation including testing for decisional capacity (including evaluation for the ability to manage money and business affairs) and a neurologist. If the results come back negative for dementia, this can be used as evidence to refute the false claims of her attackers.
Should the tests come back indicating signs of the onset of early dementia, there are many variables as to why and how to treat it. Not all dementia cases are due to the onset of old age and maybe due to problems with blood sugar, kidney function, reaction to medication, swelling on the brain, etc. and a doctor should go down the list of possibilities to rule out each one.
If she has dementia not caused by a treatable condition she should, at this juncture plan for the future. In this event, she may need the assistance of a guardian going forward who will manage her health care and finances. She should consider designating someone who is, hopefully, trustworthy and has her best interests at heart and protect her from those seeking to take advantage of her vulnerability. She should also consult eldercare attorneys and advocacy groups who can direct her as to the best course of action for herself. These attorneys differ from the ones she is using for other issues and eldercare law is a specialty onto itself. She should attend to these issues in the imminent future and not procrastinate, thus giving her tormenters the power to further abuse her.
At her advanced age, it would be wise, under any circumstances, for her to slow down and enjoy life, and should she choose to stay active and busy that should come by choice, not necessity.
Dear Friends,
The author of the above letter asked to have it appear in the column as a response to the woman’s sad predicament. Because the advice dispensed herein is sound and logical and may (or may not) have been written by someone with a familiarity of the problem, I will honor that request, as I have no other method of imparting this information to the lady.
This is also a chance for me to address the needs of the abused elderly populace who suffer in silence, sitting alone in nursing homes, in their own homes and at the mercy of brutal health care aides or those elderly seemingly still able to live alone but who forget to eat, to bathe or are negligent of their own safety. Or the elderly who suffer abuse and neglect at the hands of the very children they cared for and on whom they are now dependant. They are seen as cash cows for their monthly stipends, social security checks and benefits. There is a world of mistreatment that has gone unchecked.
No matter who or where you are, if you see a little old man or lady sitting on the porch or in the pizza store, in the company of an attendant who’s eating as the client hungrily watches, if she or he seems afraid (the study of body language is amazing!) of the attendant or caretaker, stop and start a conversation in Yiddish (if you speak it), so as not to alert the caretaker. If you visit an elderly/bedridden relative or family member, always check beneath the blankets to see that he or she is clean and unblemished. I can’t tell you how many bruises and black and blue marks I found on my father, z”l, inflicted through rough handling by heartless home care aides, and I visited him every day! Needless to say the aids were terminated on the spot, but if you don’t look, you will never find!
There is protection and advocacy for the disabled, for children, for veterans and for animals. Shouldn’t we care just as much for our parents and loved ones and for all the elderly who suffer in silence?
