Dear Mrs. Bluth,
I have a great job that I love working in a large public relations firm. I have been there for about nine years and am friendly with almost everyone.
Recently, I noticed things missing from my desk, and from the pockets of my sweater or coat which I hang up in the coatroom. At first, I thought it was my imagination, or that I had misplaced or even lost pocket change, a tube of lipstick or scarf, but just three weeks ago, something much larger vanished from my purse (which I keep in the bottom drawer of my desk) – my cashed paycheck!
I searched everywhere for the envelope, but it was nowhere to be found. Some of the other women working adjacent to my desk noticed my panic and helped me look, but to no avail. Two weeks pay had disappeared into thin air and I was beside myself, but there was nothing to be done – besides I beat myself up for being negligent. During our lunch break, a co-worker approached me and said the same thing had happened to her a few weeks before. She suspected that someone had gone into her purse when she stepped away from her desk to make some copies. I was horrified to think that anyone in our workplace could be stealing, so I put it out of my mind and wrote it off as a loss.
As time passed, I heard stories of similar disappearances: A ring removed when someone went to wash, designer sunglasses left on a desk top – small but significant articles left unattended momentarily, along with two or three missing pay envelopes. This left me with a very bad feeling that there must be a thief amongst us, watching and waiting for a moment when no one was looking, then making off with something that didn’t belong to her.
I decided to be super observant, but it was horrible to constantly look over my shoulder to see if someone was watching me. I became almost paranoid, to the point of suspecting everyone I’d worked with for so many years and it put a strain on my office friendships. After all, the thief could be anyone! I took to taking my purse with me anytime I got up from my desk and kept nothing in the pockets of the things I hung up in the coatroom.
Needless to say, our working environment became a tense and distrustful one and I knew we had to do something. A few of us decided to chip in to buy a “nannycam,” a small video camera hidden inside a clock which we affixed to the wall high enough so as to cover a large portion of the room. No one noticed it and we each took turns viewing the tapes to see if anything showed up. Two days ago we caught our thief! Now the six of us who partnered in the scheme are faced with the inyan of mesirah and what it would do to the entire core of women we worked with, if we expose a thief who we had considered to be a trusted friend.
We would appreciate direction as to which path to take in order to deal with this situation, without calling in the authorities to arrest her or causing her shame in public.
Dear Friend,
How sad to go through the pain of losing sentimental and treasured items and much needed salary, especially when the thief turns out to be a friend and work partner. I admire your tact and great heart for trying to find a solution, while considering the how this will impact the life of the thief. This is a rare example of “V’ahavta l’rayacha” and truly exemplary behavior on your part.
While not minimizing the crime, there are many reasons this woman may have been driven to steal. She may be suffering from kleptomania, a mental disorder that causes the afflicted individual to compulsively take things for the sensation it provides. In some rare cases, the thief does not even recall taking the items, where they come from or how they came to be in her possession. She may also be in dire need of financial assistance and uses the stolen items and cash to offset her debts. Whatever the reason, she has still committed a crime and must be dealt with.
My suggestion is that you pick one person who will speak with her and confront her with the fact that you have proof of her crime. Perhaps, if she still has any of the things she took, she will return them to their rightful owners. Explain that you do not wish to see her arrested or even lose her job, but she must make restitution for what she took. Hopefully, this will yield far more cooperation from this woman and encourage her to do the right thing. Then, without hesitation or mincing words, tell her she needs professional help ASAP. If she does this, she will not suffer any consequences and no one need be the wiser. Very few people in her position would turn down such an offer to save face and not suffer any legal penalties.
I’m hoping this will do the trick and that you’ll recoup most of if not all of what was taken. Should it not, you’ll have to ask a rav or posek for an eitzah.
