Dear Dr. Yael
First try to figure out what is making your husband angry. He may have an issue with anger in general, but perhaps you can isolate the trigger points.
Last (Wo)Man Standing
It's okay not to attend. You don’t need to give a reason. You can just say that you wish her the greatest happiness but you won’t be able to fly in. That’s it. No explanation necessary.
Dear Dr. Yael
The most important thing is to keep reminding yourself that you are okay and safe to try to not encode this experience in a traumatic way.
A Picture Is Worth…
People look different in person, and you know… when they are not two dimensional. People look different after we talk to them, after we connect with them, and certainly after we LIKE them.
Dear Dr. Yael
You cannot blame your parents who probably suffer silently with the same situation. Please speak to your mechanechet who probably is not aware of your situation. Perhaps she can set up some kind of activity (even a chesed activity) that will foster friendships.
On The Hook
While this is someone you really like, someone you even imagined marrying, you are not comfortable in this place of indecision. You don’t want to make a mistake by dismissing the person who could potentially be your zivug, but you are also not happy to live without any form of real commitment.
Red Flags: How Do I Spot Them?
We are Jews dating Jews. Regardless of your background or hashkafa, right or left, black hat or baseball cap, look for someone who believes in Da'as Torah.
Dear Dr. Yael
They found that sharing similar personality traits does not necessarily mean that a relationship will be more satisfying; however, perceiving that you are more similar will usually predict more satisfaction in a relationship.
A Damaged Dream
It is possible that this couple is not meant for one another. It’s possible that they will be better off going their own ways and finding different matches. It’s possible that their son knows absolutely that his feelings will never change.
Dear Dr. Yael,
Try hard not to overwhelm your kids when you talk to them or make them feel bad about their behavior.
Support Me!
You feel like you are close to an engagement and understandably want and expect the support of your family and friends. Yet, they are refusing to give you their blessing and have expressed concern instead.
Third Times A…
I am more often than not of the belief that another chance is the way to go. If the possibility even exists that this could be your match, you are looking at a lifetime of connection and happiness at best.
Dear Dr. Yael
Everyone is put in this world to fulfill a mission. We do not know what anyone’s mission is, and we must try to see everyone as a creation of Hashem and to treat everyone with the respect they deserve.
You Are Not Alone
Dating can be easy for some. They date one boy or two, they connect, build a relationship, and soon after they create a home and a family. For others, dating becomes complicated.
Dear Dr. Yael
It is hard to break negative cycles in life. However, you chose to break the negative cycle by working to support your family and loving your wife and children, so that your children are able to grow up in an emotionally healthy home.
Dating Advisory
The solution is to stop going home. Just kidding. That would be a terrible solution. Instead, go home and have a sentence of appreciation at the ready.
Dear Dr. Yael
While I can give you tips on how to do this, it appears that you already have created a good, loving, and fun life where you give to others and you have close relationships.
Business Or Pleasure
You need to take yourself into account. You need your family now, their love, and the comfort and food from home. You need to spend time with family, and you need rest. This matters too. This matters more.
Answer My Prayers
Some people view dating like they would, sitting in traffic, or a in a parking lot. They believe you need to wholly focus on dating and getting married, and once you have accomplished that, you can expand and grow. So, they go to work and come home.
Dear Dr. Yael
The fact that you realize this need is exacerbated due to your struggle with self-esteem is helpful.
Dear Dr. Yael
Baruch Hashem you have a devoted husband, caring children and grandchildren. Although it is challenging to depend on others, you must be grateful that you are not alone and there are others around who care about you.
Men Vs. Women: A Response
What I find to be most objectionable however, is your statement, People today believe, (especially wives) if I make money that means I’m equal to a man. Bless your heart.
Dear Dr. Yael
Do you and your husband have any common interests? Maybe you can come up with some activities you both enjoy to do together without phones. Does your husband have any of his own hobbies or interests? Maybe you can encourage your husband to try hobbies that do not involve screens, like sports.
The Apple And The Tree
What an uncomfortable burden to carry! You believe that you have become a responsible and well-liked adult with good character and middos. Yet, you still worry about becoming the spouse you watched in your home.
Fifty-Fifty
I think the reason that the guys are not able to validate your argument however, is not because they can’t agree on your delineated list of chores. I believe instead, that your fifty-fifty attitude is probably holding them back.
Dear Dr. Yael
Don’t say things to yourself that you would not say to a good friend. Be understanding, gentle, accepting, and loving to yourself as you would with someone else that you care about.
The Money Tree
You family has done you a disservice in not being more transparent about the money that they earn to afford the lifestyle that they have raised you in and the effort that it takes for them to get there. Life in expensive.
Dear Readers
Meira in Hebrew means giving light and our beautiful Meira was a light so bright, who during her young life, managed to chase away the darkness of her challenges to inspire her family, friends and community.
Sister Stand-Still
Perhaps though, decide to rely on Hashem and relinquish the power you are clinging to with shaky hands. Tell your parents that you would like to discuss the option of your sister dating as well and surrender your role as gatekeeper to a greater master plan.
Dear Dr. Yael
It is OK to mention my child to me. In fact, as I wrote above, it comforts me.
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