Not The Same
It is so exciting that you have met someone that you are contemplating a future with. But with Pesach and the spotlight on minhagim and customs, you now see your differences in a new light. You worry that this will be an adjustment you might never be ready for and may be too much to take on.
Dear Dr. Yael
You are likely having anxious thoughts. These thoughts are probably swimming around your mind all day and are exacerbating your anxious feelings. Once you identify your anxious thoughts, you will need to reframe them and create more logical, non-anxious thoughts, which you will use to start getting your anxiety under control.
Single Freedom
Dear Dating Coach,
I am not going home for Pesach. Nothing you say will convince me to change my mind. I am dating someone pretty...
Dear Dr. Yael
It is crucial that the couple should not leave the session in a state of anger. Instead, it is best to focus on positive things in the marriage and work on the deeper, more problematic issues separately.
Mirror, Mirror
Your inability to see past a picture, a number (both height and weight!) your impudence over color preference, and your arrogance in creating a Ken doll just for you, will leave you not only without a date, or mate, but a future based on Torah values.
Dear Dr. Yael
It is very hard to help someone who hoards. People who hoard may not realize that their behavior is potentially unhealthy or dangerous or they may know but feel uncomfortable speaking about it with others.
Over-Served
You like him. You really do. You have had a great time together. You connected. Your parents did extensive research. They know he has qualities that they felt made him worthy of you. You have spent time together. Now, trust yourself. Trust the process.
Dear Dr. Yael,
Of course organization and being prepared will lower your anxiety, but what is just as important is teaching your brain that Pesach cleaning does not have to be anxiety provoking.
Happily, Ever After
There is an art to communication, where you truly listen, absorb and then discuss what you have heard. You cannot leave or walk out when you don’t like the discussion.
Dear Dr. Yael
I am not sure what your financial situation is, but it may be a good idea to get some professional help to aid your wife in her situation.
Time Clock
Take the time to self-reflect on your growth and sense of responsibility. Are you capable, emotionally stable, and grounded? Assess your ability to navigate the world around you, to stay the course during challenges, and to take care of yourself. If you feel like you have those in the bag, you are probably ready to date.
Dear Dr. Yael
This article is written leilui nishmas Sarah Shaindel bas Yitzchask Shraga HaLevi.
Wrong On Paper
Nobody will care about his resume or yours. Nobody will gape at your age difference. And nobody will ask how you could have dated a teacher. EVERYBODY will be too busy admiring your blessed connection and your wonderful happiness.
Dear Dr. Yael
It would also be prudent to limit the information you share with your parents. This will help you limit the opinions you get. This may be hard if you are used to sharing everything with your mothers and if you are close with them.
Size Me Up
We should care about our appearances and do what we want to make us feel good both inside and out. What this might mean to one person might be different to another.
Dear Dr. Yael
Share your own experiences with overcoming challenges to show vulnerability and resilience.
Dates Are Just A Number
Take a deep breath. You are doing so well. Dating someone you like, and feeling positive about your dates is huge. Everything was going nicely until your sister’s blanket statement about timelines and expectations through you off course.
Dear Dr. Yael
While it may appear to these people that by getting their way they are winning the battle, they are, in fact, losing the war. In other words when people behave this way, they may temporarily get their way, but ultimately, they can lose the relationship.
Dating 101
You need to be fully engaged on your dates. Make eye contact, allow your body language to showcase your interest, and listen carefully to what your date is saying. Show them that you are fully present and happy to be with them.
Dear Dr. Yael
We all have to make this choice. We can wallow in self-pity or we can do whatever we can to deal with our challenges.
Perfect But Single
There is no room for arrogance in dating. There will always be someone prettier, richer, smarter, and more talented than you. There will always be a girl who is more than you. If you do not see these girls, and only see those that are less than you, read this article carefully.
My Date. My Choice
A dater must always have an open mind. Objectivity and humility are central to dating and there are certainly times when we can lose ourselves in the exhaustion of it all.
Dear Dr. Yael
As a grandparent, it is definitely a huge gift to give your children time to get away; however, you also have to know your limits.
Be Real
Reflect on the moments where he yelled or screamed. You may notice that there are even more instances than you originally noticed.
Dear Dr. Yael
Driving in the tri-state area can be very difficult. There is a lot of traffic and impatient drivers. I think for all of us who drive, we feel the constant frustration in dealing with so much craziness on the road.
Same Ending. Different Story
While this is not simple, it is certainly possible. While, you may see that you are less malleable, you may notice that you are wiser, and more focused on what truly matters in building a happy life.
Dear Dr. Yael
The truth is that we can’t improve the situation without working on ourselves. Every person only has the power to change themselves.
Dear Dr. Yael
The dynamic of talking in shul during prayer or the reading of the Torah, when all is said and done is, with regard to many congregants, a conscious willingness to pervert the fundamental spiritual decorum.
One Way Street
It is inappropriate to date two girls at once. This applies to any number of dates that have passed. It’s wrong and there is no way to change that.
Dear Dr. Yael
It seems like Hashem gave you important things in life that money can’t buy. He gave you a special husband and a good family. These brachos are invaluable. Money does not buy happiness.
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