Help Wanted
Dear Dr. Respler:
I love my wife, who is by nature a difficult person. As a result, our seven children gravitate more to me than to her. She thinks she is always right, her favorite line being “I told you so.” This is annoying and drives all of us crazy.
Commitment Phobia
People are not all the same. We have different energy levels, make decisions based on different criteria, and structure our lives in different ways,...
Dear Dr. Yael
This probably is not indicative of a larger issue, but either way, it is not your place to address it.
Brain Freeze
When you find that flavor, whether it’s cookies and cream or butter pecan, you need to order the cone.
Dear Dr. Yael
Remind the children (and their parents) that we only eat at the table at Bubby’s house. If you keep saying this (if needed) in a calm and happy voice, the kids will likely comply and not take any offense.
A Daughter’s Long Held Anger Against Her Father
Q. I’ve had some problems getting over the anger I’ve carried throughout my life towards my father. He left my mother for another woman and my mother never really recovered. Even now, 20 years later, I still have difficulty dealing with him because of that. He hasn’t ever apologized, blaming my mother for sharing the information with me, and expects me to forgive and forget. Every Yom Kippur becomes a painful experience - feeling immense pressure to forgive and the guilt of my not wanting to. I feel I must forgive him but don’t know how.
An angry daughter
Dear Dr. Yael
The most important thing is to keep reminding yourself that you are okay and safe to try to not encode this experience in a traumatic way.
Dear Dr. Yael
Big people say, "You were right"; bigger people are willing to say, "I was wrong."
The State Of Orthodox Singles? It’s Complicated
On the question whether singles felt that the Orthodox system of dating was going well, Nishma found that most singles had an unfavorable view.
Shalom Bayis At All Cost
To this day, all the returned items remain in my parent's possession. Baruch Hashem, this was the beginning of a very close and wonderful relationship between my parents and these machatanim - on that continues until today.
Yankel And Leah – Chapter 30
A shudder went through Yankel when he heard that. She likes the city – a place of gentile and Jewish tumah, impurities! He had to admire it in a way. She didn’t feel responsible for her ideas and she could fling them all into the wind and could care less what would come down where.
The Perils Of Giving Advice
Tell her that you know how much effort she puts into raising her children and that you never meant to criticize her.
Dear Dr. Yael
For years now, I have disagreed with him and despised his every word and action.
Improving One’s Mood
Dear Dr. Yael:
For the most part, my husband is a very good husband and father. He loves our children and will often go out of his way to make sure their needs are met. He is also loving and good to me. However, he often comes home with a very negative attitude. When he arrives home from work, he sees nothing good. He criticizes the children for not being in pajamas or for not finishing their homework. Even if he is right on both counts, he does not convey his criticism appropriately or at the right time.
Bad Review
Someone who knows the person well, or even someone who has previously dated a girl or guy can be a great resource in learning about a potential match. However, a real understanding of a prospective date can also lack objective and may contain personal bias.
Social Distancing
I imagine that despite your best effort, you feel like you are failing to connect, and the more you worry about it, the more distant and disengaged you seem.
Dear Dr. Yael
You are lucky that you have one parent to model positivity for you. You are already 16 and seem wise beyond your years.
Smart Girls
Being smart is terrific. It is a gift from Hashem, like talent and beauty and the ability to fold bed sheets (obviously). You are smart. You know it, you want others to know it, and you want to marry someone who will mirror that intellect.
Third Times A…
I am more often than not of the belief that another chance is the way to go. If the possibility even exists that this could be your match, you are looking at a lifetime of connection and happiness at best.
Children of Shame
Children who grew up feeling shameful for the most part will have also grown up without someone to talk to about how it made them feel.
Shame is one of the most destructive feelings there is. It is a feeling that something is wrong within us and has a negative affect on a child's self-development.
Dear Dr. Yael
Their response changed his life.
Men Vs. Women: A Response
What I find to be most objectionable however, is your statement, People today believe, (especially wives) if I make money that means I’m equal to a man. Bless your heart.
Buy One Get One Free!
Be open with this special man, communicating your concerns so he can validate, problem-solve, and reassure you. Work together to assess your comfort level, his, and hers. Your willingness to “try” will be meaningful and precious to him.
Yankel And Leah – Chapter 8
He was surprised by her self-possession. Here she seemed smitten by him and yet she was confident. She could just as soon leave him as take him.
Even As I Walk In The Shadow Of Death… A Day In The Shelter...
The obstacles the religious woman faces upon deciding to leave the house are much more difficult to overcome than those of her non-religious counterpart.
Dear Dr. Yael
I never thought that my going out to lunch alone with our daughter would trigger him. He told me that he felt left out. It reminded him of his childhood when he felt excluded by his parents and his friends.
Help Me Help You
Be kind to yourself. This is hard and your pain is real. So first treat yourself with love and respect.
Self-Careless
At the very least, take a few minutes every day to sit quietly, to intentionally relax your muscles and to release the stress and knots that have certainly taken root under your skin.
Reactions To ‘The Challenge Of Remarrying’
Dear Dr. Yael:
I found your June 28 column, The Challenge Of Remarrying, to be very true. I too lost my husband and was encouraged by my married children to remarry. I was reluctant to do so, but since the man I was considering seeing was a friend who knew my husband and I had known his deceased wife, I felt there was a real potential. Thanks in great measure to my children’s pressure, we are very happy together.
When Should We Go For Marriage Counseling?
Dear Rabbi Schonbuch,
My husband and I are having trouble in our marriage. We tend to fight about the same issues every day and he's very emotionally distant. At what point should I consider seeing a marriage therapist?