On April 13, 2016, Ethan Couch, the teen who killed four people while driving under the influence, was sentenced to serve four consecutive terms of 180 days in prison (one term for each of the 2013 car crash victims) equaling two years, as punishment for his fleeing to Mexico. In his original trial, he received no prison time as he was said to suffer from Affluenza, an inability to understand that actions cause consequences due to his family wealth.
Affluenza is not about wealth. It is about a generation of parents who want to make their children so “happy” that they fail them miserably. Let’s face it, it’s much easier to say “Yes” and throw money at your kid than say “No” and mete out consequences. But parenting in a loving way means teaching your child this monumental rule of life: You make things happen. Whatever you do kiddo, there will be a reaction, that’s the story of our lives. The sooner we let our children in on this life principle, the healthier they’ll be.
This doesn’t mean you can’t bail your children out of jams. Just that once you do, you have to show him or her that actions create reactions. Ethan Couch was largely bailed out at age 15 when he was cited for “minor in consumption of and in possession of alcohol,” after he was caught in a parked pick-up truck with a naked, passed out 14-year-old girl. I am sure the deceased girl’s parents wish his parents would have enforced a zero tolerance policy on drinking, drugs and driving.
The next time your toddler hits another kid on the playground, stop talking and yelling; make her sit next to you on a bench for five minutes or take her home. DUI at 16? Have your child pay back all of the money for the attorney you hired, don’t let him or her drive without an adult in the car for a year (unless it’s to run an errand for you), and don’t allow contact with any friend who encouraged such behavior.
Consequences work both ways. When your children make an effort and produce positive outcomes, be sure to talk it up and reward them. That’s the other, wonderful side of life.
Here are 5 additional anti-affluenza inoculations:
More is Caught than Taught: What does your modeling teach your kids about a healthy identity? If you can’t stop talking about your things – car, shoes, clothes, Italian roof tiles – as well as how powerful and dominant you are (I have 50 employees answering to me at work), then you’ve clearly taught your child that’s it’s all about the stuff and power. Instead, model kindness. Show them how to stop and ask the elderly if you can help them with their bags on a plane and how to give food to the homeless instead of just tossing some coins their way. Talk about the way in which you give to others.
You’re More Than School: Stop telling your children that they have one job in life: to perform well educationally. This is largely self-serving. Children need to be empowered and offering them opportunities to help you and others gives them a strong sense of self. Encourage them to babysit for free, volunteer for meaningful organizations, and to look to do simple, thoughtful gestures for others. You’ll be building their self-esteem while showing them they can change the world for others whenever they choose.
Provide Chores: It’s old fashioned for a reason; it works to help your child develop responsibility. Even if it’s sometimes easier and quicker to just do it yourself or outsource it, chores teach kids that the family is a team. Everyone is needed to maintain this home and if one person falls short, it affects all of us.