Dear Dating Coach,
I am an older frum single with a full life and I think a largely positive attitude. I am open to most dating possibilities but a new opportunity has me stumped. I recently met a kind and wonderful guy through my work. From the very first time we met he has shown interest in dating me. Typically, I would be interested, but he is significantly younger than me. First, I laughed off his interest, but he has been persistent and determined in his quest to change my mind. If he was older, I would date him in a heartbeat… but he isn’t. I would really appreciate your advice.
Older and Wiser
Dear Wiser,
Cupcakes are delicious. I’m pretty sure that this is an undisputed fact. They are individually sized, they taste delicious, and they have frosting! Really, the perfect bite. Except, if you ever watch children eat a cupcake, they all do the same thing. They lick that icing right off the top, leaving their bare cupcakes to languish on their plates. They like cake, but once the cream is gone, the cupcake loses its appeal. But have no fear! My family, recently introduced me to a revolutionary way to eat a cupcake. (This is big!) You take the top of the cupcake with the cream and slice it right off and then flip it over onto the bottom of the cupcake to create the most magical cupcake and cream sandwich! I told you! This is HUGE! Every bite has the right amount of cream to cake ratio and your face stays (basically) clean! A recent naysayer and hater of all thing delicious recently pointed out that this is “not how we are supposed to eat a cupcake; you are breaking cupcake tradition!” I wanted to respond to their outrageous and outdated comments, but my mouth was too full of cupcake and cream. Try it! (and you’re welcome!)
A Balanced Diet Is Having a Cupcake in Each Hand…
Thank you for your letter. I understand why you feel conflicted. You, and all of us have been raised with certain gender norms. One being, that husbands are older than their wives. Overtime, some have made allowances for a wife who is a year or two older than a husband, but a significant age gap where the woman is much older is simply not something we see in our circles, or frankly, in the world at large. So, you feel uncomfortable, albeit flattered and interested as well. What will people say? What will the think? This is not how we do things.
I appreciate your position. I really do. At the same time, the chance (even the small chance) that this could be your happily ever after means that you need to try. You have been offered a gift; a charming, interesting, confident(!) man who is excited to date you, to get to know you better, and is clear in his intentions. Do we throw away this gift simply because this is “not how it is done?” If he has qualities and a character that you admire, how can you not flip dating on its head and take a chance? In the end, our choice is always very simple. Choose HAPPY. Fight for any opportunity to bring joy and happiness into your life, even when the path is unconventional. Cupcakes are amazing. Maybe we have just been eating them wrong all along.
