Dear Dating Coach,
I am so sick of being everyone’s backup plan. Yes, I’m single, but I am not your babysitter, your Uber driver, or your food delivery service. I am happy to help, truly I am – but I feel like I have become an easy fallback for family and friends who find themselves in a bind. I don’t want to have to qualify my time or schedule because they might think I have more free time than they do! How do I say this, without sounding selfish or rude! Stop calling me!
Over Used
Dear Over,
Our baby’s favorite word is “Again!” Sing a song? Sure! “Again!” Play peek-a-book? Sure! “Again!” Read a book? Sure! “Again!” Again. Again. Again. You tell yourself that it’s no big deal. You can spare the time to sing a song twice or read a book again. But after you’ve read Mr. Brown Can Moo for the 887th time, your perspective starts to change. “Why does he moo!?” you huff. “That can’t be healthy,” you judge, as you gauge the best place to hide the book so it can never be found. “Who invented this ‘peek- a-boo’ game of torture?” you wonder. “I’m right here, dude!” you find yourself yelling, as your baby laughs and laughs. Because too much of a good thing may not be a “good thing “after all.
My Neighbor’s Diary Says…
Thank you for reaching out. You love your family and friends and are happy to be a resource for them. But you feel as if they consistently take advantage of your single status with the assumption that you must be available and ‘at the ready’ to offer them assistance. This takes away from the general kindnesses you want to offer them, making you feel unwilling to help them at all, because you feel used and abused.
I Don’t Respect…
It is wonderful to be someone that others feel comfortable asking for help. Whether to babysit, to run an errand, to help out with an event, or to cook a meal. Being someone that others feel they can rely on when they are in a bind is highly commendable. It is frustrating, however, to even the most noble giver, to feel that they are being mistreated, especially because they are perceived as consistently available because they are not married or don’t yet have a family of their own.
Her Boundaries.
Time to set some boundaries. There is no need to offer an explanation or to give an excuse. If you are not able to do the favor asked of you, simply say so. No need to apologize or offer a reason that they might be comfortable with. For those really stubborn repeat offenders you may want to kindly explain that you feel overextended. Perhaps offer them a time that you might be more readily available, such as a weekend, or any time that works for you. Hold onto the warmth and care that encourages you to be a person willing to help, while you maintain the boundaries that you have set in place. The ability to give should be nurtured, while you honor the right to your time and your self-respect.
