Dear Dating Coach,
I met a guy on a Jewish dating site and we have been going out for a couple of months. He is smart, funny, and super generous. He takes me on amazing dates, buys me thoughtful gifts and makes me feel so special. He is really ambitious and hardworking, and I know he will always take care of me. He is charming and super attentive. Everything is really perfect. There’s just one small thing about him that bothers me, even though it doesn’t really affect me at all. He seems to get angry really easily when something doesn’t go right. He yelled at the parking attendant when he couldn’t find his car on our date, he cursed at the car in front of us when the driver cut us off in the city, and he got really mad when the waiter mixed up his order when we went out to eat. He gets really loud and red and it takes him a bit to get back to himself. He never yells at me of course, and those things are legitimately upsetting. I’m not sure if I am overthinking this, but it makes me just a little nervous and maybe I need some reassurance. Thank you in advance.
Dating a Catch
Dear Dating,
I went to a fair when I was a kid. They had a plastic pool filled with goldfish. If you were able to knock down three bottles in a row, you got to keep a goldfish. I really, really, really wanted a goldfish. I concentrated with all my might and I threw that ball at the bottles. Bam. Bam. Bam. Three bottles fell and a goldfish was all mine. I took it home in a plastic bag and put it into a makeshift container with water. The next morning the goldfish was lifeless when I came downstairs. My little heart hurt, but a life lesson was learned. Don’t marry a goldfish. (Or something like that.)
What Do You Call a Goldfish With No Eyes? Goldfsh
You have been happy. You met someone totally focused on you, who made you feel special and seen. That’s a good feeling. But you are smart and so you took notice of moments that weren’t about you. You watched interactions he had with service people and others you encountered on your dates. These moments began to add up and your heart told you to pause and take note. I know you like him. He sounds like he has admirable qualities. But his temper matters. Now it is not focused on you, but it will be. Perhaps not today, or tomorrow, but it will be. That is a guarantee. Someone who gets angry easily, someone who loses their cool and yells does not have specific people that are protected from their wrath. It will affect everyone around him. It will affect you.
Take a minute to regroup. Speak to your Rav, to a respected adult, or to a dating coach. Reflect on the moments where he yelled or screamed. You may notice that there are even more instances than you originally noticed. A temper is in essence, uncontrolled. It is time to move on. I am so sorry for the pain this will cause you. But moving forward can be even more painful. Don’t get the goldfish. It isn’t meant to be.
