If these are not the case, consider ignoring her tantrum so she begins to understand that you will not submit to her whims. If at home, send her to her room and explain that while you love her and want her to rejoin you, that can only happen when she becomes calm. Once you stay the course by disciplining her this way, she will get the message that she cannot simply do as she pleases. But you must stay firm.
If you are in public, you can still ride out her tantrum. Although it’s embarrassing to have to publicly deal with a child’s fit, all children have them and it’s not something that other parents have not seen or experienced. Simply take your daughter home as quickly as possible.
4) Does your child’s behavior reflect a problem in temperament? If this is the case, you must manage her conduct as opposed to punishing her for her behavior. Help your daughter learn to become calm when she is upset. Have her take slow, deep breaths. Practice this strategy with your daughter during her calm periods so she can use it when she is upset. Blowing bubbles is a fun way to practice deep breathing. This will help her imagine a calm scene.
5) Is her uncontrollable behavior really important to you? If not, ignore it. You need to pick your battles; otherwise your life will be one constant brawl. Use what is called “planned ignoring,” a technique whereby you pretend that you do not see what is going on and hope that your daughter’s misbehavior passes quickly. Concurrently, praise any positive behavior you witness, thus redirecting your daughter’s attention and – hopefully – reinforcing the positive behavior.
Humor is also a great tool to use. If your daughter says no when you ask her to do something, smile and say, “Oh, is it opposite day? I guess this means that you will do it with pleasure. Thank you, my beautiful mitzvah girl.”
6) If your daughter’s uncontrollable behavior is important to you, be firm with her. Do not let her step all over you. Impress upon her that no means no. You need not get your message across by yelling at her. Being firm in a loving and calm voice goes a long way.
In addition to these strategies, include your daughter in your activities and explain to her what those activities entail.
And always make an extra effort to inquire about what else may be going on in her mind that is causing her intolerable behavior. If you can’t figure this out on your own, take her to a child psychologist. I wish you hatzlachah in remedying your challenging situation!