Dear Dating Coach,
I have been dating for six months and my dates have not really gone anywhere. I have dated five guys and so far, four of them have said “no” to me. I feel like I probably need to reevaluate how I date at this point. I think I am nice and good-hearted, I try to do the right thing, and I definitely want to get married, but I might be on the wrong track. Any advice would be appreciated.
Dating Directions
Dear Direction,
Kudos to you for reaching out and having the humility and smarts to know that something may not be right. Instead of letting more time pass, you are taking initiative and looking for direction and solutions. This tells me that you are open to constructive feedback so that you can date thoughtfully, with intention, and success.
There are a few things that every person must focus on while dating. Remember the three E’s and the single V.
Effort
Dating requires effort in many ways. Take the time to maximize your appearance with good hygiene, clothing that flatters you, and careful personal grooming. Put thought into interesting topics for discussion, creative dating spots, and fun ways you can get to know the person you are dating. In order to be a good date, you need to put in the effort and this will be felt and appreciated on your dates.
Engagement
You need to be fully engaged on your dates. Make eye contact, allow your body language to showcase your interest, and listen carefully to what your date is saying. Show them that you are fully present and happy to be with them. Do not check your cell phone (unless it’s an emergency) and don’t keep checking the clock. Lean in and smile. Focus fully on connecting and showcase your enthusiasm and appreciation.
Expression
Dating is a time to communicate who you are so that you find commonalities and shared interests. Do not interrogate your date. Do not offer soliloquies that never end. This is about conversation; a give and take that builds chemistry. Do your best to learn about your date, and share with them as well. Make sure you talk and listen on your dates so that you are sharing your experiences, your beliefs, and what makes you who you are. Allow your discussions to be casual and of real value so that your ability to communicate only grows with every date.
Vulnerability
If you want to connect on a real level, you will eventually need to allow yourself to be vulnerable with your date. This should happen as your dating progresses slowly and mindfully so that you can build a serious relationship. Your vulnerability will show you if your date can become a real partner, someone you can trust, and someone you can count on. This is the scariest step in dating, but ultimately the most valuable. This allows a couple to connect in a way that matters most; with honesty and ultimately, with love. So, remember the three E’s and the single V and you will notice a change, as you progress with success.
