Dear Readers:
I am writing this column as a tribute to our special mechanchim, specifically, Rabbi Ehrenreich, the dean of Bais Yaakov of Boro Park. He is a man from whom I gained so much over the course of my professional life.
I first met Rabbi Ehrenreich when my daughter transferred to the school. We connected right away and soon developed a strong professional relationship. Together we worked to help students achieve a better life.
I would like to share with you an idea I learned from Rabbi Ehrenreich.
Water each child differently the way you water each plant. This is in the theme of “Chanoch lanaar al pi darko.” Focus on a child’s strengths and use them to help him or her become the best person possible. Hashem created each of us with special interests, things we gravitate towards. Discover what that is in your child and then work to develop it.
For example, the child who loves learning and wants to go into chinuch, teaching, or klei kodesh, in a job that entails working with holy things, e.g., someone who writes mezuzahs or sifrei Torahs, should never be pushed to go to college and start a career – even if that is the family track.
Likewise, a child who is interested in working and having a profession, should not be made to feel that he has to be a rosh yeshiva, even if that is what his father is.
In both situations, we have the same issue. We, as parents, want our children to be like us. We somehow see it as a threat to our ego if our child chooses a different path. I’m not talking about children who go off the derech and choose to not become frum, I’m specifically referring to children who choose their own derech within the parameters of Yiddishkeit.
In his own way, Rabbi Ehrenreich helped me understand this concept on a personal and a professional level.
As some of you know, I swim on a regular basis and I have met many people at the pool who have enriched my life.
Last week, it was a daughter of Rabbi Dovid Kviat who told me a story. Rav Dovid was the rav of the Agudah on 18th Avenue where we daven.
This daughter had been a student in Bais Yaakov about 50 years ago. She had gotten into some trouble and had been sent down to Rabbi Ehrenreich’s office.
He asked her what her name was and why she had been sent to his office. She told him her name and that she had been causing trouble in class. Rabbi Ehrenreich looked at her and said, “This must be a mistake, Rabbi Dovid Kviat’s daughter does not misbehave. Please go back to your class.” She told me that she went back to class and never misbehaved again.
What a powerful message – this behavior does not become a person like you. And, of course, the underlying message of not embarrassing your father.
Today this woman is a mother of many children, and a grandmother as well – and yet, she never forgot this story and repeats it all the time
This is the message that we must impart on our children: “This behavior is not becoming for my special child. You, my child, have a special neshama and we know you can do better.” This gives the child a good feeling, and a wish to improve – to be the best person he or she could be.
I learned so many lessons from Rabbi Ehrenreich, the most important, however, is a common sense approach, his anivus (humility) and honesty that makes everyone feel comfortable. When you are with Rabbi Ehrenreich he makes you feel special. This is the greatest gift one human being can give another – I value you, I hear you and you have what to offer.
We all have a basic need to be valued and understood. Rabbi Ehrenreich is an example of a person who does just that. May we all learn from Rabbi Ehrenreich and may Hashem keep him healthy and wise ad meah v’esrim shana! Hatzlocha to all my readers!