Dear Dr. Respler:
I enjoyed reading your column about married couples spending time with friends and the jealousy it could endeavor (7-11). In light of the issues raised in that column and the letters responding to it, I wonder what you think of the very common situation where a man is principal of a girl’s seminary and deals with young women all day?
For generations it was unacceptable for men to teach girls. The great mussar giant, Rav Yisroel Salanter zt”l once observed a rav giving a shiur to girls in Germany. He said that in Lithuania a rav who did this would be dismissed from his position.
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous:
Thank you for your question. I am not sure how to answer it though, as throughout my high school and seminary years I had excellent rabbanim as teachers. In addition, as a therapist I deal with my rabbanim on a regular basis.
I am printing your letter in the hope that our readers will share their feelings and opinions.
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I recently met a wonderful woman who writes poetry. With her permission, I am sharing a poem she wrote about time.
TIME
By Annette Amelia Mandis
Time can be viewed in many very different ways,
It can appear to remain boringly long, standing totally still,
Causing me to feel that I’ve no idea what to do
or where to go, as if in a maze,
On other occasions, time flies swiftly,
totally against my will.
While time may seem to remain inactive, totally static,
So many seasons have come and gone,
With numerous moods such as feelings of despair
to being utterly ecstatic,
That it took me a while to really catch on.
‘Time heals all wounds,’ but does it really?
Is it simply the passing of days, weeks, months and years,
Or when stricken, do we choose to courageously address
our overwhelming emotions freely,
Discovering the guilt, shame, depression and tears?
As time passes by after experiencing a difficult challenge,
I truly believe we possess the choice to weaken, succumb and
become extremely tender,
Due to an illness, dear one’s death or miscarriage,
But hopefully instead we’re able to reach into our inner-core,
enabling us to strengthen and never surrender!
Reading Annette’s poem started me thinking about what time means. For me it is about productivity – whether it is helping a client, writing a column or a speech, or spending quality time with my family. However, there never seems to be enough of it to go around.
Rabbi Zechariah Wallerstein was a recent guest on my radio program. He spoke about the many projects and schools he is involved with. Then he asked me a question I could not answer.
“Tell me, Dr. Respler,” he began, “what is it that we cannot live without for one second?” I thought of the traditional answers: air, water etc. However, I knew that we all could live without those things for one second.
“I don’t know,” I responded.
“Time,” he said. “Time. When our time is up it is up. In one second this can happen and we never know exactly when that will be.”
We then spoke about time being the most precious commodity we can give our children. All the material things in the world cannot compare to the time we spend with them.
I know that many of the teens and young adults who Rabbi Wallerstein work with have gone off the derech and seem not to have good relationships with their parents.
When I give parenting classes, I try to help the parents increase the amount of time they spend with their children. I will often tell them that if they have 45 minutes to put their children to sleep, try to break it up so that each child gets at least a few minutes of individual attention.