Dear Dr. Yael,
I am a great fan of your column and over the last three months there were two articles that truly related to my situation. One was from an older remarried happy couple whose children were more respectful to the wife than the husband, and the second was from an older man and woman whose children did not want them to get married as they were afraid they wouldn’t get their yerusha.
Dr. Respler, I am 68 and was dating an amazing gentleman in his early 70s – or so I thought. We could spend hours on the phone talking or being together and time would fly. We would speak every day and text during work hours. I thought that we would get married. And then, he broke things off abruptly because his children did not want him to marry me. The reason? We are both wealthy. We were planning to write prenuptial agreements, and he was willing to support me according to what it would say in my ketuba. But his children did not want even that. They said he should marry someone who would support him. He told me that they were concerned that he was taking on all the financial support and that I was not going to contribute financially.
He broke up with me last week and is already dating another very wealthy woman who I heard will support her husband in any second marriage since she is so wealthy. The woman is older than me and attractive, but honestly not as attractive as I am and I am far more educated. She is known to be tough, but financially generous. She also has no children, so I am sure she will give to his.
Dr. Respler, can one fall out of love so easily? He told me all the time how much he loved me. Can a man profess his love and commitment and then just break things off and begin dating someone else?
I never thought that I would remarry. I had such an amazing husband and lost him very suddenly about a year ago. This man had lost his wife a few months before we started dating and he dated someone else before me.
Can you please give me some chizuk? I am heartbroken. This man reads your column and I am hoping he will read this letter and feel guilty.
Heartbroken Widow
Dear Heartbroken Widow,
Every relationship is different and research shows that men are capable of loving just as deeply as women, they just show it in different ways. It could be that the man you were dating felt immense pressure from his children and he didn’t want to lose his relationship with them. Perhaps he didn’t really want to move on; rather, he is trying to forget about you by seeing someone else. It is hard to know what is actually going on in your situation, but it is doubtful that he has actually forgotten you.
I’m so sorry you were hurt and that things did not work out for you. Perhaps he is really not the right person for you or maybe he will realize the error of his ways and come back to you. Only time will tell.
In the mean time, try to focus on getting out with your friends and doing nice things for yourself. It’s okay to pamper yourself when you’re feeling down and it sounds like you’ve been through a lot this past year. Make an effort to exercise, take good care of yourself, be around friends who make you happy, and spend time with your family. In time you will be able to move on and find someone else or maybe you will find your way back to this man. Either way, focus on yourself so that you will be stronger and ready for whatever Hashem sends your way.
Hatzlocha and may Hashem comfort you through this trying time!