Dear Dr. Yael,
I wanted to share with you something that I wrote. Please be so kind and respond to this in your column. On Being Human: It hurts, every day, to be alive. And that’s because, I suppose, I am human, and I feel literally everything I’m supposed to. Pain, shock, sadness, disappointment, worry, love, longing – I used to wish for something so stupid: In this world, there are people who can’t feel pain. Well, they can’t feel anything really. Congenital insensitivity, it’s called. It’s a horrible curse, to never feel anything. And yet, I’ve wished for it. So foolish, I know. Because I never took into account that these people really can’t feel anything, not a single touch, a hug, the warmth of a blanket, a blush, cold rain upon their skin… I’ve wanted to be numb before, emotionally, physically. But I forgot that, while pain might be eliminated, so would everything else. They go together. I guess that’s how life is, really. We get the good along with the bad. We’re not supposed to be numb to pain. If we are, there’s something amiss. We’re damaged. Being human means being imperfect. And life can never be perfect. It’s always going to be painful in some ways. But along with that pain will come good things. And we’re going to appreciate those good things even more so, because we felt what it was like to be without them. And we’ll make it to the other side. Now isn’t that something?
A Reader
Dear A Reader,
Your piece reflects depth and sensitivity to life. It is true that we really must feel pain in order to feel anything. If we feel pain then we can also feel pleasure. I gather that you are speaking about emotional pain. It is important not to shut down emotionally in order not to feel emotional pain. One cannot engage in a deeper emotional relationship without allowing themselves to be vulnerable to pain. Your point that with pain comes good things and we are going to appreciate those good things even more is excellent. The joy one feels when getting married and entering a loving relationship or having nachat from a child is hard to explain. That joy is multiplied when one does not find their zivug so young or when one struggles to have children and ultimately has children. Thus, going through a painful experience can sometimes make us feel even more joy when things turn around for the better.
In reading what you wrote, I want to respond that our choice in life is how we accept our challenges and our pain. If we choose a path in which we try to bridge gaps by having a positive attitude and engaging in humor and happiness as well as blessing others, we ultimately will find pleasure in life. “Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone.” I think that we all must work on being positive in these dark times in our lives. We must find joy in connecting to others even if we connect on the phone or on Zoom. We must try to improve our mood and therefore will find more humor in life. A sense of humor is most effective in coping with stress. We must focus on the good in our lives and try to maintain a positive attitude.
You talk about making it to the other side. I imagine that means to a brighter side. A side with happiness and fulfillment. Humor is something that protects us from emotional pain and laughter actually relieves pain by causing the body to produce its own natural painkillers. Laughter can create the ability to cope with difficult situations. Share a laugh and try to spend time with positive friends who make you laugh. Never laugh at the expense of others, but try to find the joy in life. Giving to others will also make you happy. Try to think about what will help others be happy, which will in turn make you feel happier as well.
I appreciate what you wrote and I hope that personally you will find a way to make your own life full of happiness and cheer. Hatzlocha!
