Dear Dr. Yael:
I am writing about what seems to be a lack of middos in regards to cell phone use. For example, when calling someone on a cell phone, you can’t know where the person is, as opposed to when you call someone at home. The first question you should ask is, “Is this a good time to talk?” Don’t assume that because it’s a good time for you, it is good for the person you are calling.
Also, people seem to be addicted to their phone. The other day a friend and I went out to dinner, and she spent most of the time talking to other people on her cell phone. I, on the other hand, shut off my phone hoping to spend quality time with my friend. I left my young children at home with a babysitter because I wanted to spend time with her and she spent it all on the phone. I was so hurt by her behavior.
A Reader
Dear Dr. Respler:
If Hashem were talking to you, would you interrupt to answer your cell phone? Avraham Avinu was having a conversation with Hashem and asked permission to attend to three men he saw coming towards him – and that was to do a mitzvah.
Hashem talks to all of us every day. Every situation in life comes to teach us a lesson, and it’s Hashem’s way of communicating with us. If we take it to heart, and learn from it, we move on to a higher level. However, if we disregard the message or divert our attention from it, we are missing out on a great opportunity.
Thus, when we are in the middle of doing something meaningful, it is counterproductive to answer our phone on the off chance we are missing something. Whether we are davening, listening to a lecture, talking to a friend or relative, or spouse or child, it is important to weigh what we are doing against the possibility of that phone call being of greater importance.
I once attended a lecture by a world-renowned rav. In the middle of his talk, his phone vibrated and he took it out to check who was calling. While he immediately put the phone away, I was surprised at his behavior. I know that he is a baal chesed and very involved in klal work, so I imagine he felt it was important. However, I wonder why he didn’t hand his phone to someone else before the lecture began and ask him or her to monitor the calls for emergencies.
Constantly being involved with our phones keeps us from watching what is going on around us and, as I said before, can cause us to miss out on messages from Hashem. He calls us every day, without a phone. Let us listen to what He has to say.
When we are with our friends, our spouse, our parents or relatives, in shul or at a class, we should focus on the moment, especially when we are in conversation with Hashem.
A Fan
Dear Reader and Fan:
Thank you for these important letters which raise very important issues. People are often insensitive and rude while preoccupied with their cell phones. When out with friends or having conversations with our children or spouse, we should be turning our phones off. Why should anyone be made to feel as if the person who is calling is more important than he or she is?
Just as someone should ask, “Is now a good time to talk?” I think many of us need to learn how to say, “I am sorry, but I am busy right now. I will call you back.” I ask all of you who are parents: when you come home, turn off your phones for a while and spend time with your families. Give them the attention they deserve and show them how much they mean to you.
During this time of year, let us all revisit our priorities and learn to be more sensitive to others. Thank you both again for bringing this important topic to our attention.
Hatzlocha!