Dear Dr. Yael,
I am struggling immensely with sleep deprivation. I am a 70-year-old, happily married man, with married children, grandchildren, and even a few great-grandchildren. Baruch Hashem, I am in good health and my children are happily married and gainfully employed. I have no reason to struggle with sleep, but somehow my brain does not shut down. I have my own thriving business, where some of my children and in-law children work. We all get along. My wife sleeps poorly as well. Many of our friends also struggle with sleep. Is it our age that affects our sleep? Please give me suggestions to ameliorate this problem.
A Reader
Dear A Reader,
According to studies, about one-third of adults around the globe struggle with falling asleep and staying asleep. People who are older sleep less and wake up and go back to sleep more often. Studies also show that older individuals generally struggle with sleep. As we get older, our sleep patterns change. In general, older people spend less time in deep sleep and dreaming than younger people. However, older people need quality sleep to remain healthy.
There is a growing problem with people being addicted to prescription medication as well as over the counter medications, such as Bendryl and Unisom. All drugs carry risks such as grogginess and other side effects. You should consult your healthcare provider before using any medication.
Cognitive Behavior Therapy can help with insomnia. Additionally, limiting screen time before you go to sleep, as well as not opening your phone if you get up, and trying to go back to sleep is helpful. Screen time can cause problems with sleeping as it effects the brain. It is also essential to have good bedtime habits, such as sleeping in a dark room, in a comfortable bed, and with quality covers and pillows that you find are conducive to sleep.
It is also very important to try to shut down your brain. If you feel thoughts entering your mind, just think of a stop sign or just say to yourself I will think about it tomorrow. If this doesn’t help, it can be helpful to think about something calming or something that makes you feel happy as the brain cannot think of two things at once and this will help you clear your mind and shut your brain down.
Breathing techniques can be very helpful. Try to breathe in three breaths and out six breaths while focusing on counting the breaths. You can choose any number of breaths. If you breath in two breaths, double it by breathing out four breaths. Focus on counting as you breathe to distract yourself from any thoughts.
In instances when something is bothering you, try to focus on the best outcome. Our brains often focus on the worst outcome, which is very anxiety provoking and generally unlikely since most of the time things will resolve themselves as a middle outcome or better. Let’s say you are worried about getting older and are concerned about every ache and pain. Think about the best possible outcome and then try to clear your mind.
We all know that worrying gets us nowhere. Hashkafically the word worry in Hebrew is da’aga – daled-alef-gimmel-hay. It is missing the bet for bitachon. Which means it has four of the first five letters in the Hebrew alphabet, but is missing the second letter which is bet, the beginning of the word bitachon, which is the deep belief in Hashem. We must believe that Hashem runs the world and whatever is destined to be, will actually happen. This worrying accomplishes nothing. Please focus on all the blessings Hashem gave you in your life. By counting and appreciating your blessings you will have more menuchat hanefesh, a calm soul. Professional therapy may help you deal with your issues as well if these ideas are not enough. I wish you hatzlacha in dealing with your challenges in life.
