Dear Dr. Yael,
I am a senior citizen who struggles with the winter. I think it is because there is less daylight, it is cold, and there is less sunshine. I live alone, and I look forward to seeing my children and grandchildren. Sometimes I go to them for Shabbos, but none of them live near me, and I must travel by Uber or car service for an hour or two, depending on where they live in the tri-state area. I have a beautiful home, and I am not ready to sell it and move near some of my children since I still work part-time and I do have great neighbors and friends. I lost my husband last year and we had a great marriage. I am not so young, but I am healthy and able to live alone. Please help me deal with winter. I do not like traveling and have no one to go with to travel to an area with warmer weather. My children feel I should live with them, or at least near them. In the summer, I have a house upstate and close friends who have homes in the same development. I feel depressed in the winter. The mornings are dark, and the late afternoons are dusky. Please help me. I know I have a lot of brachos. I have wonderful children, grandchildren, and friends. I had a wonderful husband, and I am not interested in remarrying. The war in Israel is also driving me crazy. Any advice is appreciated.
A Lonely Widow
Dear Lonely Widow,
Thank you for reaching out for help. I am happy that you still work part-time as this is helpful I’m sure. It appears that you have friends as well, another protective factor. No one can replace a loving husband, so that may be what is contributing to feeling lonely as well. I do not know your age bracket, but perhaps you can connect with your friends on Zoom by creating a Zoom group for your friends. Can you get together with friends more often by each other’s homes? Would you be willing to look into traveling to Florida alone to see if you can enjoy a community there for the winter? Just like going upstate in the summer, you may love having a home in a development where you can have an entire community. Do any of your friends go to Florida? Perhaps this can be an idea that can work for you.
Exercise is also a great outlet in life. Personally, I try to swim twice a week and I have many friends that I met through swimming. In addition, swimming is a great antidepressant. I belong to a beautiful center, which also offers exercise classes and a full gym. I understand your reluctance to leave your community, but you should try to go out for meals or go to your children on Shabbos. Being alone all of the time is definitely lonely and it is important to make plans with people on a consistent basis, so you have more of a community and feel less lonely.
Another great thing you can do is join Partners in Torah and mentor someone who is interested in learning more about Yiddishkeit. Look for things to do to help others. When we give to others we are giving to ourselves as we feel better and more productive. You can do various things at home or outside the home to help others . You can visit people in the hospital,
Get involved in retting shidduchim, join a group that cooks for others in need, or various other things that can be needed and will give you life. There are also things you can do to keep more active. Loneliness is a tough situation. Besides making you depressed, it can shorten your life by causing decreased heart and lung function. Please try to follow some of these ideas. If you are not feeling better with these suggestions, please seek professional help as maybe you are battling some depression as well. Additionally, there is some kind of light therapy that some people use in the winter if they suffer from seasonal depression, but you would have to do more research into this. Lastly, learning Lessons in Emunah and focusing on the brachos in your life can also be extremely helpful!
On another note, if you decide to continue living alone, it is important to have an emergency pendant. I have written letters about Jresponder in the past and the service it provides. It is run by a frum man from Lakewood and his email address is [email protected]. You can contact him to get a pendant. If you have Medicaid you can get one for free. If you are a Holocaust Survivor, Bikur Cholim provides free emergency pendants. These are necklaces that have a button to press for emergency situations. Anyone who lives alone, or even elderly couples who live together, should have these pendants as it can save a life! Hatzlacha in building a new life for yourself and try to stay strong!
Dear Readers,
I am printing a poem from one of my special readers.
Triple Tragedy
By Annette Amelia Mandis
Traumatized October 7th hostages,
Heroically daring kidnapped targets,
Attempted escaping Hamas captivity,
Glimmer of hope as they sought freedom.
IDF soldiers undertaking hostage rescue,
In Gaza City’s Shejaiya neighborhood,
Misidentified these three as a terrorist trap,
Heartbreakingly, triple tragic outcome.
Hashem, as our tears flow freely with grief,
In your Infinite Mercy please miraculously,
Decisively wipe out all Sonei Yisrael,
Instead of innocent civilians and soldiers alike.
