Dear Dr. Yael,
I have a boss who is very disrespectful to me and I try to treat him with respect. I am a bright woman who is very educated and although he is my boss, I am more educated than him. I know that he feels insecure around me and will constantly denigrate my level of education. I have a masters and my work is invaluable to him. Please give me ideas on how to deal with this boss.
A Reader
Dear A Reader,
Dealing with a disrespectful boss can be challenging, but it’s important to address the situation professionally. Here are some steps you can take:
- Stay calm no matter what he says. Even if/when your boss is behaving disrespectfully, try not to react emotionally and stay calm. In this way, you will always look like the professional one and you will not escalate the situation.
- Try to take a step back and think if your boss is really trying to disrespect you or is just having a bad day. Is it possible there are any unintentional misunderstandings?
- Make sure you set boundaries. Your boss needs to know that there are certain behaviors that are unacceptable. It is important for you to politely and assertively communicate your boundaries so your boss does not step over the line again.
- Do you feel you can discuss what is happening with your boss? Are you able to talk to your boss? If yes, find a time when he is calm and ask him if there is anything you are doing that is upsetting him. If he says no, then communicate, in a respectful manner, that you feel uncomfortable when he jokes about your work or your degree and you’d appreciate it if he did not continue to do so.
- Make sure to use “I statements” when discussing how you feel. For example, say, “I feel disrespected when…” instead of “You always…”
- If nothing changes you can either look for another job if you feel that’s a good choice for you or you can try to escalate the matter to a human resource manager if that exists in your workplace.
- Make sure you are taking care of yourself so you do not get depleted. Focus on self-care to manage stress. This may include activities like exercise, going out with friends, or talking to a therapist.
It is important to realize that addressing a disrespectful boss requires a careful and strategic approach. It’s crucial to prioritize your well-being and maintain professionalism throughout the process. If you’re unsure about how to handle the situation, consider seeking guidance from someone else who can help you with how to approach your boss or how to handle further issues. Hatzlacha with this difficult situation!
