Dear Dr. Yael,
I am the wife of a husband who is an amazing talmid chochom, teaches, and is a Rav. I work very hard in a more lucrative field to help support our beautiful family. We are not gashmiusdig people, although we live nicely. By nature, I am very happy and count the wonderful brachos that Hashem gave us. However, I have a wealthy neighbor/friend that will come to visit me and always talks about how much money she has. She dresses beautifully and wears a lot of jewelry, fancy furs, and exquisite clothes. Her houses are beautiful, and she speaks often about her different housekeepers. This woman is lucky to have a husband who makes a great parnassah, and she never had to work a day in her life. I believe both she and her husband had wealthy families. I know that parnassah is in the hands of Hashem and that I should be happy with what I have. However, after she leaves my house on Friday night or Shabbos, I always feel jealous. I wonder why Hashem put me in a position where I have to work so hard, even though I do love my work. Please help me change my attitude.
A Reader
Dear Reader,
I don’t know this woman but to me she sounds more like a frenemy than a friend. A true friend does not make you feel bad about yourself. If you read my column you know that I have mentioned the term frenemy which refers to a person who presents as a friend, but is actually an “enemy.” I don’t know if this person realizes that she is causing you pain. However, anyone who flaunts their money is generally an insecure person. People who are really rich generally do not talk about their wealth and are busy doing chesed or other things that are useful with their money.
Is it possible that this woman who never worked is jealous of your success and is talking about money that Hashem gave her through her husband since she really is not a successful person? I believe that whatever money we have is really Hashem’s money, and if we do the right thing with the money we will be successful and happy.
It seems like Hashem gave you important things in life that money can’t buy. He gave you a special husband and a good family. These brachos are invaluable. Money does not buy happiness. Often people with money who are obsessed with their money are not happy with their life. Money can be helpful to acquire things we need, but a truly rich person is someone who is happy with what they have. “Eizehu ashir hasame’ach bechelko.”
There are so many rich people who are never happy with what they have. They always need more money. I understand how you feel and it may be wise for you to limit communication with this friend. However, I believe it would be in your best interest to see this person as someone who needs to feel better about herself and unfortunately the only thing she can talk about is her money. Perhaps you can find something that would interest her and help her even volunteer to help others if she desires to do something.
I am missing so much data in this situation. Please reach out to me privately so that I can help you deal with this challenge more effectively. I wish you hatzlacha in dealing with all the amazing things that you appear to be doing and hope to help you with this situation!
