This article is written leilui nishmas Sarah Shaindel bas Yitzchask Shraga HaLevi.
I am dedicating this article in memory of my dear mother, Sonia Balsam, who was an incredible person. My mother was the most positive person, who always saw the best in everyone. She complimented everyone around her and always made people feel good about themselves. I wanted to share a quote that my mother always lived by. She always said, “Act, don’t react!” This means that your response to others should be based on a conscious choice to be a mentch, and not an emotional reaction to a situation. When you act, you choose a response based on your principals and goals and you become more powerful based on that choice. When you react, you respond, usually emotionally, to something outside of yourself without thinking. Learning how to respond to life’s surprises and challenges more effectively is one of the best skills you can have. Regardless of the situation, when we respond with emotion and let someone else’s actions determine our behavior, we only make our problem worse. Taking a deep breath (or many deep breaths) and responding calmly means we will be able to handle any situation better, whether it is an emergency or any annoying or difficult situation. My mother practiced what she preached and always tried to respond to others calmly and with positivity. If this is something you want to work on, you can try practicing the following things:
- If you have a situation you are struggling with, try to find something positive in it. Try to always make lemons into lemonade.
- Assess how stressful the situation is in your mind from 1-10 and evaluate the tension in your body. Then relax the tense areas in your body and take deep breaths.
- Face the same situation or person with a relaxed body and mind.
This will help you face the day with less tension and more presence. It will also help you change your response from struggle to peace and acceptance. When you’re able to not react to negative comments or situations, you maintain control over your feelings, avoiding unnecessary stress. Keeping a cool head also helps you maintain a sense of inner peace and lets you stay undisturbed by external chaos. When you don’t react you also can think more clearly and make better decisions. Lastly, avoiding impulsive reactions can help build stronger, healthier relationships. We should all learn from my mother, who had amazing relationships with so many people and try to bring light to others as she did. Yehi zichra baruch, May her memory be a blessing.
