Dear Dr. Yael,
I have often wondered how much we as individuals owe the disadvantaged. Some of these people are ill and will always be in need. If you are not prepared to help them on a consistent basis, then you have to think carefully before getting personally involved. As individuals, we can drop off food to shuls that serve the needy, hand out sandwiches, volunteer for Tomchei Shabbos, etc., but I believe it’s the job of the community at large to oversee the task.
Additionally, please warn your readers: If someone you don’t know asks for charity, give cash or money order only. Do not write a check! If you are wealthy, do not let anyone in without an appointment and check them out carefully. Unfortunately, fugitives of the law can easily become charity collectors. Reporting them to the police after they have siphoned your checking account means that you have sent a Jew to jail. Thus, it is always better to try to prevent it from happening. The same holds true for housing mentally ill people. When you go to sleep, your kids are at risk. If you are concerned for individuals who suffer from mental illness and have no home, then it may be a good idea to form a committee for the homeless and to find a community solution, but don’t be a hero at your children’s expense. I have heard too many stories of people housing all kinds of individuals and, unfortunately, it can lead to harmful situations.
Sincerely,
L.R.
Dear L.R.,
Unfortunately there is a double edge sword when it comes to inviting strangers into your home. Which is the reason I am featuring this next letter.
Dear Dr. Respler,
I just wanted to share my own terrible experience as a child who grew up in a home with many Shabbos guests. Unfortunately, an older single man whom my parents had welcomed into our home molested me. They let him eat with us, sleep on our couch and feel totally comfortable. What my parents didn’t know, however, was that when they went to sleep, he would molest me. It was a terrible and horrifying experience me that I will never forget.
Baruch Hashem, I was able to mentally survive this dreadful period in my life and I went for extensive therapy when I got older. The therapy helped me understand that what happened was not my fault. Nevertheless, I will never forget the fear and anguish that this “needy” man caused me, and a part of me was very upset at my parents as well.
Growing up, my privacy was invaded because they wanted to save the world. I respect them for their tremendous chesed, which I want to emulate, but I hope I will never jeopardize my children’s safety in the process.
People should be careful whom they take into their home and not leave their young children with strangers who could have psychological problems. I wrote this letter in order to make people aware of the dangers of chesed and to try to ensure that this terrible atrocity should never occur to anyone else children!
Sincerely,
A Scarred Woman
Dear S.W.,
Thank you for sharing your experiences with others; I cannot fathom how painful this must have been for you, and I commend your bravery in trying to lead a normal and healthy life. I want to take this opportunity to tell my readers that, unfortunately, this is not the first time I heard a story like this. Parents must make protecting their children a priority. This is not to say that people should not have Shabbos guests, but don’t leave your children alone with guests you don’t know. You also should not let strangers sleep on the same floor as your children. Your children are precious neshamas who need to be safeguarded from all harm!
Thank you for sharing with us your experience so that we can be more aware of dangerous situations and more careful with our children! Hatzlocha.