Dear Dr. Yael,
I know that rabbanim are against texting and I always thought it was a bit narrow-minded. However, I recently realized how right they are. You see, I saw the text my daughter wrote to her friend. My daughter is a sweet frum Bais Yaakov-type girl who is a senior in high school. Her cell phone does not have internet access, but it does have texting. While her principal was not thrilled, my husband and I work long hours and she is our youngest. We felt the need to be able to reach her, so we explained to the school that we were getting her a simple phone, not a smart one. It would have no features other than texting. The principal told us that texting was dangerous as well. However, as she has to have her phone off in school and she did not always check her voicemail, we felt that texting was the best way to stay in touch. She could respond when she turned on the phone after school.
To us it sounded like a reasonable plan and though her principal thought we were being naive, she acquiesced to our wishes.
So what is the point of my letter? My daughter forgot her phone one morning and, as I was bringing it to her, checked to see if my husband had texted her a reminder we had discussed. While doing so, I saw a text that shocked me. I would prefer not to share its contents, but I was incredibly disturbed by what I read. There was nothing said that indicated my daughter and her friend were doing something wrong, but the language they were using was highly inappropriate for a frum girl.
Honestly, I have never heard my daughter speak this way, even on the phone to her friends. The more I thought about it, the more I started to remember the lectures I had heard about how people feel free to say things in a text they would never dare say in person. How it creates an atmosphere where inappropriate becomes acceptable. I started to feel that maybe we had been too open and lenient.
This is not even including the horrific stories we have all heard about driving and texting and the accidents that can result.
Dr. Respler, the rabbanim really do know what they are talking about and my daughter’s principal was right. Our young children are facing a most difficult challenge – that of living in a generation where technology can literally kill you physically and emotionally.
We took away our daughter’s cell phone. She is upset right now, but we lovingly explained that we had made a mistake.
I hope people read my letter and realize that even simple technology can be harmful.
A Loving Mother
Dear Loving Mother,
I truly agree with you and understand your need to be sure your daughter has a means of being in touch with you. However, I also know how difficult it is for a teenager to have limits set for him or her; I know how difficult technology makes it for all of us. Couples sit together but spend the time texting others on their cell phone. Often you walk on the street and see mothers walking with their young children and not even paying attention because what is on their phone is more important. It is very sad.
And as you said, texting while driving is incredibly dangerous, as well as illegal. And yet, this knowledge doesn’t seem to stop people.
There are no clear answers to your dilemma. However, for now, it seems like you made the right choice for your family, even though your daughter is having a hard time understanding. Hopefully your daughter will come around, but for now you may have to give her some extra love and patience. It’s also important for your daughter to understand why you are upset and why you took away her phone. While she may not agree, at least she will see your side of the situation. I appreciate you writing about this challenging issue and I wish you hatzlocha in raising your family in a generation challenged with technology.