Dear Dating Coach,
I have a lot of friends who are also dating, and they often share their struggle through this process. I only started dating a few months ago, and after a few less successful prospects, I was set up with someone who seems perfect for me. Every date so far has gone smoothly, and we have steadily progressed in our connection. We recently started discussing an engagement and I feel so excited to move forward. Is this too easy? Should this process have been more difficult? Please tell me if I am missing something.
Smooth Sailing
Dear Smooth,
We are all super organized with menu plans and grocery lists and never ever forget to plan dinner. (We are also all unicorns and can magically make coffee appear whenever we need it.) But for the days when you’re hangry (hungry + angry), and family members are threatening to revolt because the dinner bell did not toll, I have a solution! It’s a really fun (not fun/very stressful) game called “Dinner on the Fly.”
This is where you scour your pantry, freezer, and fridge for random items that could potentially be called, “dinner.” Tortillas with leftover fruit? A torte! Leftover taco meat and a baked potato? Shepard’s Pie! You see how the game works now? Last week we played this in my house and EVERYONE loved dinner. Cue the fireworks please. Play with your family tonight and remember that ice cream always counts as a protein.
I am so glad to hear that you are so close to an engagement. It is so exciting to know that you have met someone with whom you can envision a happy future. By your own account, you believe that your dating process has been simple, almost too easy. You worry that you may be missing something because your progression lacked complication.
You have been blessed. You met someone quickly and forged a strong connection with ease. There are however, some guidelines that you can remember to reassure yourself that you are making a healthy decision. It’s all about the C’s.
Compatibility, Chemistry and Communication
Take a moment to assess your compatibility. This includes a shared hashkafa, long term goals, and the home that you both envision creating. Do you feel like your backgrounds align well? Take the time to gauge your shared strengths and weaknesses and how together you will be able to be supportive of each other in your personal growth. Finally, measure how you work as a team so that you can create a solid foundation for your future.
Review your chemistry next. Do you feel happy and excited when you are with him? Does your time with him bring you joy and make you feel secure? Think of your bond. Take note of your reactions when you are together and the feelings that continue to grow. Register the emotional connection you have created.
Finally, reassess your communication. Are you able to speak freely and honestly? Do you feel supported when you share? Do you feel understood? Validated? Consider your past interactions and your ability to communicate respectfully and to listen with care. A couple who can communicate successfully is setting the stage for a positive future.
If you believe you are compatible, and have shared chemistry and good communication, then thank Hashem for this invaluable gift and move forward. Sometimes the ingredients simply come together to create the perfect pairing.
