Rivka and Shmuely were each looking for other options for getting help, especially as they had seriously invested in long-\ term individual therapy with several highly-recommended licensed mental health clinicians. Each of their respective therapists advised them to try EFGT. And so, they became two of the growing number of people using this new group therapy model to transform themselves and how they relate to others. EFGT has given them treatment options they had not considered before, because it feels safer than support group or traditional group therapies known to most, where the risk feels “too huge.”
Most people know that in therapy they will be asked to talk in depth about their personal lives and to describe their day-to-day struggles with specific people, whether it is with spouses, family members, bosses or neighbors, etc. They are therefore surprised to learn that this is not permitted in EFGT. Precisely because the focus of the group is on the feelings and behaviors of its members rather than on their personal information, it allows members to gain insights in a comfortable and safe setting. New members must commit to come once a week for a minimum of six months. Group members cannot share their last name, professions, marital or other status. There is no concern about lashon harah or maligning of family members. In this group, all identifying content stays outside the door. Instead, group members describe aspects of their personalities and manner in relationships that they would like to change or improve on and that cause them emotional distress.
After the initial “cautious leaning in” to the introduction process, soon enough, the group members begin to interact with each other, addressing both shared concerns and individual differences. The interactions always express the ways in which each member believes that he/she thinks, feels and behaves in the “outside world.” However, because the members do not know each other and are not allowed to have any interaction between the weekly sessions, the group develops a sense of safety and closeness, in which people eventually feel free to act themselves, without worrying how their interactions will affect them in “real life.”
The goal is to recreate an experience similar to growing up in a family. Only this time as adults and with the help of professional therapists, who act as facilitators. The group strives to create a more ideal family experience in which there is love, support, understanding, and safety. Inevitably conflicts arise as in any family. Yet, because they are not true family members, and because there is support from others working to create the ideal group experience, the individuals have an opportunity to resolve issues in more effective and successful ways.
As in all support groups or therapy groups, the feedback and suggestions the members offer each other are often easier to accept. It is astounding how the EFGT approach helps members overcome their inhibitions and open up to each other, even if at times that means confronting each other or the group facilitators.
In their respective groups, Shmuely and Rivka have tried different ways of interacting, ways they never felt safe doing before. In that sense, the group sessions are like a laboratory, allowing members to utilize new ways of relating that may be too frightening or uncomfortable to try with people with whom they have existing relationships. When members succeed in using skills they have never been aware of or have been too afraid to try, they learn the benefits of these changes first hand, and become more confident outside of the group.
In Rivka’s group, members pointed out that her fear of rejection was stopping her from expressing her needs in a more effective way. She has now begun to seek her relationship needs in a more vulnerable and less demanding way, and this has helped improve her marriage.