Dear Dating Coach,
I am super into health. I like hiking and biking and go to the gym regularly. I’m very careful about what I eat, and work in a health-related field. Everyone who knows me knows how much I care about eating healthy and staying active. I only want to date girls who feel the same way. I keep telling people who want to set me up and that I will only go out with someone who really cares about fitness and clean eating. I feel like we won’t click otherwise and we won’t have anything in common. Because of this, I am having trouble getting dates. I’m not sure what I can do to help myself find girls to date who share the same goals. Any ideas for me?
Health Match
Dear Health,
My family loves (highly dislikes) our new hamper. It has a section for colorful clothing, a section for white clothing, and a section for invisible clothing. (You can’t see the last section obviously.) There is also apparently another section for “floor clothing” but I am the only member of the family who doesn’t see this section. Sadly, there are those who like this section best. But I digress. We are usually careful about separating the clothing into their designated areas and the clothes seem happy about this. Yesterday however, a lone white sock made it into a colorful load. We are still investigating how this happened. There was clearly a laundry breach somewhere, and we are actively working to fix this issue. That being said; when we discovered that a white sock was missing, we were understandably upset. (It was a slow day.) After extensive research (we looked into the hamper), we determined that the white sock must have joined the colorful load for a spin cycle. Forty-two minutes later, we opened the washing machine and found the offending sock. We expected a tie dye explosion, but shockingly the white sock was …well, still white. We stood there stunned, until I remarked on the “floor section” and suddenly everyone scattered, leaving me alone with a perfectly content white sock.
I’m Into Fitness…
Thank you for your letter. I appreciate your concerns. You live a life fully committed to health and fitness, and you want to date and ultimately marry someone who shares those same values. You are wholly invested in healthy living, to the point where those around you, identify you first as someone into good nutrition and exercise. You seem to have trouble finding girls to date who are as whole-heartedly entrenched in a health-forward lifestyle.
Time to do some stretching.
Might I challenge you to expand your focused thought process and to fully digest how this might affect a fulfilling marriage. Marriage requires a host of connections and parallels in order to move forward as seamlessly as possible. Health and exercise are not WHO you are. It is something very important to you. I must assume that there are other things that you value as well. A commitment to Judaism, kindness, smarts, or stability, are some that you might consider. I’m sure if you would sit and make a list of things you hold dear, healthy eating would simply be an item on a much longer list. The very fact that you believe that your friends and family only see you as “that fitness guy” tells me that you might want to “stretch” those other “muscles” that you most certainly have as well.
Fitness Taco into My Mouth.
That being said, sure you would likely not connect with a girl who feels passionately about a diet that consist only of chicken nuggets; but any girl who is reasonably healthy, should be someone worthy of your research. Her character traits, her personality, her goals, and hashkafa should supersede an interest in hiking and biking. As in, “Bye honey, I’m going on a bike ride with my riding group. Thank you for watching the kids! You’re the best! I’ve got them when you go to your book club!” Expand your reach, extend the small world that you have separated yourself into, and you may find that you can still be yourself even if you mix with a colorful food eater.
