Dear Dating Coach,
Here is my response to your Fifty-Fifty column. In regards to her statements that the husband should share 50/50 house chores, I must disagree. Today, more than ever before girls are going to college to get degrees and a career. This is all well and good, however, what she fails to understand is that men are men. They should be the breadwinners, not the wife. Men are not babysitters. Men don’t cook meals. Men don’t wait for the school bus. Men don’t stay at home. They work! Now if the wife wishes to have a career, that’s fine. But when it comes time taking care of children and housework it has always been a wife’s role and it should continue to be. People today believe, (especially wives) if I make money that means I’m equal to a man. How sad. What a role reversal. This expectation can only lead to divorce court, or at the very best, an unhappy marriage. That’s it.
MG
Dear MG,
My child’s teacher brought a cassette player to school to see if her young students could guess what it was. Their responses were so funny she felt compelled to share them with the class parents. “It’s a grilled cheese maker,” one student decided. “A toaster!” another declared. The teacher laughed and laughed at their inability to name something she had often used growing up. This led to a lively discussion of other things that no longer exist like public telephones, and phone books! Time allows for product development and of course human development as well.
Equal Does Not Mean Identical
MG, I had to read your letter twice to make sure that you were entirely serious. I also had to check the date to see that it was in fact current and not reprinted from a 1960s Home and Garden magazine. You seem to have misunderstood my response in 50/50 where I encouraged couples to discuss their roles in a marriage with the inherent understanding that marriage is usually not 50/50 because we all have moments of strength and weakness. Instead, you chose to bring up an archaic viewpoint that really has no place in 2024.
Sure, women are women and men are men. Yes, men should always have a plan to provide for their families and they also have inherent skills and strengths that their wives do not have. At the same time, today’s husbands have evolved and grown from your outdated position. Fathers do not “babysit” their own children. Fathers can watch their children if their wife is not available and vice versa. A babysitter is a paid position to watch children by someone who is not their parents. There are men today who stay home with their children because their wives are getting paid more than they could. Men and women are both capable of housework, changing diapers, doing laundry, and some of the best chefs in the world are men. Husbands and wives must decide together what their roles and tasks will be. Perhaps a wife will stay home with her children and do the majority of the housework and cooking. Kudos to her if she does. But this is something that every couple can work through and it can also change over time or as needed.
What I find to be most objectionable however, is your statement, “People today believe, (especially wives) if I make money that means I’m equal to a man.” Bless your heart. From the beginning of time women have known that they are superior to men and never needed a paycheck to prove it. Still, it is you who continues to diminish men and their capabilities by limiting them to an office and a desk. How sad it would be today for a husband to not have the chance to spend time with his children, to enjoy the precious moments with their son during a bedtime routine, or to see their daughter fly off the bus into their waiting arms. This husband, that can see past your narrow-minded limitations is blessed with a marriage that is strong, peaceful, and successful.
