I just got engaged! With many Covid-19 restrictions still in place, dating has been difficult and wedding planning feels complicated. It seems to me though that restrictions are beginning to lessen and I would like to delay my wedding until after the summer so that everyone can come and celebrate with us at the place of our choice. We are not at the beginning of the pandemic anymore and I really see the light at the end of the tunnel. Waiting for “perfect” seems like a smart choice now versus last year. My friends agree, but my parents would like us to get married sooner. Should we postpone the wedding a few months to have the day of our dreams, or should we settle for less?
So Close
Dear Close,
I bought a blueberry muffin the other day. It was a perfect muffin and smelled divine. Then I sat on it. (No, of course not on purpose). As I was getting into my car, the bag holding the muffin somehow got twisted on my purse and landed on the seat. So, when I hopped in, my muffin got slightly smushed inside the bag. Yes, of course I ate it. It was delicious. Sure, it didn’t look as perfectly formed as when I bought it, but it tasted exactly the same as always. (Trust me on this, I am a muffin connoisseur. Yes, that’s probably a real thing.)
Keep Your…
Mazel tov on your engagement! Dating has become even more complicated with travel restrictions and safety protocols in place. You however, were able to adjust accordingly and found your match. The past year has been filled with uncertainty and pain for so many. You watched friends find happiness only to severely temper their weddings due to Covid-19. Now, you feel like things are changing. Perhaps, we are getting closer to the other side and you can’t help but envision a guest-filled wedding day in the location you have always wanted. Doesn’t it make sense to wait? Does a 6 or 8 month delay really matter in the scheme of a lifetime?
Eye On…
The goal of dating for frum couples is to get married. The goal of dating for frum couples is not to plan a fabulous wedding. The wedding itself is not objectionable. During a simpler time when planning a lavish affair was possible in a short time frame, it was an individual choice. The size and scope of a wedding could then be discussed amongst the parents, the couple, and the lucky wedding planner. But we are not living in a simpler time now and a wedding today must comply with restrictions depending on where you live. To delay a Covid-compliant wedding simply because you dream of a particular crowd, venue, or location is a deviation from the goal.
The Prize…
If the match feels right and the connection is clear, a couple should not delay their marriage. It is hard to maintain a relationship from a distance (whether in the same borough or in another state) thus inviting potential complications that may compromise your future. To take that risk seems incongruous with your intention to create a lasting future together. You want to wait for the perfect wedding that may be derailed because of an extended engagement. This is not a strong strategy for reaching the chuppah. This is not easy, but it showcases your appreciation for the mazel and bracha you have received. Instead, plan a wedding sooner rather than later and win; the prize clearly being, your future together. The day might not have every detail on your wedding board, but it will have the same result; a perfect union and true happiness.