Photo Credit: Courtesy Dr. Yael Respler

Do you find yourself lying about or hiding money because you’re worried that you might not have any when you need it?

Control Through Emotional Abuse

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Does your spouse demean you by calling you names?

Does he threaten you or your family? Does he threaten to take the children away from you?

Does he blame you for everything that goes wrong – including his abuse of you?

Does he purposely do things that he knows will scare you, i.e. driving very fast and dangerously?

Does he allow the children to do things that he knows you don’t feel are safe?

Has your spouse ever destroyed things that you care about – i.e. family photos, personal possessions – in order to punish you?

Does he apologize, only to repeat the same behavior? Or does he use an apology as a way of saying, “This matter is closed. You should be over it now. Shut up”?

Control Through Physical Violence

Does your husband throw or break things when he is angry?

Does he punch walls?

Does he block your way or get close and intimidating, stopping just short of physically assaulting you? Do you worry about this possibility?

Does he ever push you, hit you, or physically harm you in any way?

If you think you are in an abusive relationship and are seeking help, call the Shalom Task Force hotline at 888-883-2323.


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Dr. Yael Respler is a psychotherapist in private practice who provides marital, dating and family counseling. Dr. Respler also deals with problems relating to marital intimacy. Letters may be emailed to [email protected]. To schedule an appointment, please call 917-751-4887. Dr. Orit Respler-Herman, a child psychologist, co-authors this column and is now in private practice providing complete pychological evaluations as well as child and adolescent therapy. She can be reached at 917-679-1612. Previous columns can be viewed at www.jewishpress.com and archives of Dr. Respler’s radio shows can be found at www.dryaelrespler.com.