Dear Dating Coach,
Purim season brings parties and the opportunity to meet new people. This is generally exciting except for the way everyone seems to introduce themselves today. After exchanging names, guys and girls will ask each other for their Instagram handles and any other social media they have. Then they scour said Insta to determine if they want to date you. I am also guilty of checking people out on social media, but I feel like they are judging me based on what I have posted and the cool places I have not been. Should I up my social media game or should I just opt out?
#SocialDating
Dear #Social,
I am a unicorn. I look like a unicorn, I talk like a unicorn, and I walk like a unicorn. I purchased a beautiful unicorn onesie. I put it on. I pranced around. I leaped into the air and landed with grace. Then I took photos of myself and posted them on social media. The lighting was perfect, and my hashtags were unicorny. Clearly, I am a unicorn. Tomorrow I will be a perfect mother, and the next day, I plan to be a business mogul. Who knows what next week will bring? The screen…umm…world, is my oyster. #Keepingitreal
On Social Media…
Thank you for reaching out. Dating is already complicated. Dating in a world of social media and unrealistic expectations can be a minefield of misdirection and misrepresentation. We are only human. We believe what we see with our own eyes. We are not equipped to be forensic specialists who must determine truth from fiction from photos and status updates. We believe people are inherently honest and therefore we accept what they say and what they post. Should we believe instead that they all lie?
It’s Not Your Fault…
Yet, in a world obsessed with fame we must fiercely protect ourselves from the smoke and mirrors that is social media. Even as you nod your head as you read this, you may still have dozens of people that you follow for advice, for tips on anything and everything, or simply because you are dazzled by the life of someone you have never met. While this may infringe on your precious time or your precious self-esteem, it is still your prerogative to “follow” anyone you please.
You Can’t Tell The Difference Between Sugar And Salt.
When it comes to dating and marriage however, we absolutely must rely on what is real. On what we know based on actual interactions with someone we are lucky enough to date. We must determine if they are attractive to us after spending time together. We must appreciate their personality after conversations we have with each other, and we must foster a connection from the actual chemistry felt on our dates with one another. We cannot base our lives and our marriages on filtered photos, planned photo ops, and curated stories. A healthy marriage must have a foundation of trust that is both perfect and imperfect because it is rooted in authenticity; not G-d forbid on a “reality” created through a lens of ‘perfect imperfections.’ She is not a unicorn. He is not a unicorn. Give your date a chance to tell you who they are and then you can believe them because you were there as well.
